Alaskan Crab Hammer

to recieve a blow job with ice cubes in the girls mouth. And when the penis gets too cold to keep in, to pull it out and smack the girl in the forehead with it.

yo my girl was giving me head last night with ice cubes in her mouth, but it got too cold and started to hurt so i gave her the alaskan crab hammer

by hatecrew March 9, 2010

Alaskan Dildo

The act of defecating in a condom, freezing said condom, and, when having sex in the kitchen, reaching over and grabbing the frozen log out of the fridge and sticking it in your girl's anus.

"Dude, did you hear Cox gave Kateri the Alaskan Dildo in the dorm kitchen? That's what that log was in the freezer!"

by Cap Young November 20, 2007

Alaskan Sex Change

When you jump into ice cold water from the Arctic and your balls shrivel so far into your body they turn into a vagina.

Addison always wanted to see what it would be like to be a woman so he decided the easiest way was an Alaskan Sex Change.

by Word Maker 1000 November 7, 2014

Alaskan high five

Like the act of the Alaskan hot pocket. The Alaskan high five is when you shit into a medical glove and put it in the freezer until hardened and use the fingers inside of any hole of your choosing.

Come one babe we’re gonna Alaskan high five tonight

by Silica December 1, 2017

Alaskan Spray

When a male is ejaculating and he squeezes the tip of his penis causing his cum to spray the girl.

That boi got an Alaskan Spray!!!

by Boiwhathehellboi June 24, 2021

double-alaskan-semi-cockadoodle-doo-rainstorm

The extreme & bizarre sexual act, where your girlfriend takes a good mouthful, and implodes, spraying semen-like dandruff everywhere. She then pulls on her nipples, and ties a noose and your neck with them, virtually hanging you. She them pulls her legs around your neck, reviving you. She then wrenches her thighs back, exploding pubic hair up your nostril. She then leans back and ends the whole thing off by making a limmerick about Amanda Vanstone and a giant lemon. If you haven't reached some form of orgasm by now, you're impotent.

"Jesus-pleesus!"
"Yeah, that's what they all say."

by Alex Quantashassle June 1, 2005

Alaskan Hot Pocket

The glorious act in which one or more persons defecate into a condom, and while holding it from the open end, swings it in a circular motion to ensure that the fecal matter attains the maximum fill capacity of the condom. At this point, the condom containing the feces is placed in a freezer, and is to remain there until the stool filled condom is frozen solid¹. Once completely filled AND frozen, the condom is inserted directly into the vaginal/anal cavity, wasting no time from the point of removal from the freezer, ensuring sheer "Alaskan" authenticity. At this point, the homemade sex toy can be left in the cavity, or inserted and removed continuously, as one would with a dildo. This may take quite some time to prepare indeed, so pre-planning is a must. However, there is nothing preventing the reuse of the "hot pocket."

¹The mean freezing point of human excrement is 14°F, -10°C, 263.2 K

The Night Before:
- Gertrude: I'm feeling saucy, Lionel. What do you say we go for another Hot Carl this evening?
- Lionel: Well Gertrude, that, in addition to a Dirty Gas Pump shall suffice for this evening, but I am midway through finishing that Alaskan Hot Pocket I informed you of over tea this afternoon.
- Gertrude: Ah, yes. I've been thinking about that since the moment you told of such. Tell me dear, when do you believe it will be completed?
- Lionel: I presume by early in the morrow.

Evening of Use:

- Lionel: Dear, are you well ready for that nice, frozen treat.
- Gertrude: Tally-ho! Let's get to work.

**After many sounds of faint moaning, groaning, and pain, both Lionel and Gertrude emerge from the dark corner of the third floor study, only to return the Alaskan Hot Pocket to the freezer.**

by Sir. Nigel Spalding, Esq., IV September 29, 2008