Schizo-Wank

Jacking off to a person/character that you’ve made up in your head.

Guy 1: How you doing man?

Guy 2: Not good my man. I’m such a fucking loser virgin that I just had a Schizo-Wank.

Guy 1: Damn you’re down bad man.

Guy 2: Yeah it’s a lonely world man.

by AutonomicAutist July 9, 2024

Crazy Wank

The act of viciously masturbating fully naked for over 5 minutes. Throughout the process the subject uses his hand to stroke his penis to near ejaculation, then the subject relaxes for a bit. Then the subject continued to slightly stroke his penis and then he uses a sex toy (store bought or hand made) and places it in a position where it won't move around a lot and the subject viciously fucks the sex toy until near ejaculation. Then the subject is free to experiment with unusual kinds of sexual acts (ex: finger in the bum, other masturbation teqniques, other kinky fetishs). Then once the subject is satisfied withhimself and ready to ejaculate, he must use up the rest of the lube on his penis and hands, and then it is time for the last hurrah. The subject firmly grasps his penis and then he strokes it much faster and harder and it should give the individual a sensation of both mild pain and crazy erotic pleasure. The individual moans to make the procedure much more impactful and when he reaches the climax, the procedure is complete.

Carl: bro I just haven't jacked off at all recently. I'm just not into it anymore

Eddie: last night I had a CRAZY WANK and I will tell you, I changed my life!

by Derkadurr August 5, 2017

soaky pokey bum wank

Also known as: one crease, a finger through the tissue, a rear breach, backdoor assailant, pushing the button and backdoor delight.

A common practice by the straight man to massage and finger ones rear passage while stroking the baby cannon.

Those not partaking in such delights have known to bat for the other team and play WOW. AKA R.Dixon.

Ah yeah, last night I had a takeaway and a soaky pokey bum wank. Absolute treat.

by Ben Fender September 8, 2019

Administrative Wank

A wank whose motivation is not related to being horny, used to go to sleep, stave boredom or relieve stress

After a hard day's work, nothing relaxes me more than an administrative wank!

by Hipernova8 March 27, 2024

Jingle Wank

Any type of boring repetitive music mainly played in shops, shopping malls and lifts. Jingle Wank can be found in any music genre but is primarily all jazz.

Let's all go to Ronnie Scott's on Saturday night, I hear there's a jazz extravaganza, I do love a bit of jingle wank.

by Corva March 9, 2019

whirly wank

wanking whilst spinning in a circle. a swegway can also be used to accomplish this task. gender doesn't matter this is fun for the whole family

kyle "shit i walked in on Fred having a whirly wank."

billy "yea but was he on a swegway?"

by i love the EDL April 18, 2018

Wank bank

Jar in cupboard filled with tissues sometimes stored in garden

I buried my wank bank in the garden yesterday

by Wankkbank April 24, 2020