I did it!

Michael Knowles ADMITS IT! They tried to tell me I couldn't justify child murder but SEE!? There! He admits it!

Hym "I did it! Michael Knowles said I successfully justified child murder! I win! I WIN! YAAAAAASSS! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! BETER! THAN! EVERYONE!!!"

by Hym Iam December 5, 2025

How in the fuck did I get home just now?

I'm walking home from work just now, and I walk out the door... Step down the hill onto the side walk... And I zone out COMPLETELY. I don't remember walking across the intersection... I don't remember crossing the train tracks... I don't remember turning the corner... I look up and I can already see my apartment.

Hym "How in the fuck did I get home just now? I can usually recall walking past some of the milestones I use to, like, keep track of my progress but this time... What the fuck happened just there? I just skipped like 80% of my walk. I... Are you trying to kill me? I lost like a full 30 minutes just there. I mean, it was 730 when I started writing this... I pooped and showered... Rubbed one out... The walk home only takes 10 minutes... I'm missing like 30 minutes. What the fuck is happening there? Randy didn't show up today... So THAT was weird... What the fuck is happening there? I mean AS SOON as I stepped on the sidewalk it's like I skipped the next 8 minutes forward in time... And then I'm still missing 22 minutes... Hmmm... Are YOU doing that? Time is all fucked today."

by Hym Iam March 9, 2025

I Did Not Need A Suppository

.

I Did Not Need A Suppository

by Angel234IsTheDarkSeraphim March 17, 2025

Did I ask

An already dead question asked by entitled knobs who think you need their permission for you to join a conversation. Also the cause of the depressed quiet kids who can't talk at all. Crazier when they ask why they're so fucking quiet.

'Did I ask for you to be so entitled to think you're the only one who's allowed to say something? I don't need your permission to speak you fuck.'

by whoopsigotanexistentialcrisis! May 18, 2023

Did I ask?

One of the most infuriating things you can say to someone as it instantly shuts down any possible social interaction and makes everyone feel awkward. There is no way to come back from this lazy retort without looking like a jackass. Personally, I recommend you resort to physical violence if this comeback is ever used.

Person 1: I haven't been feeling well, my grandmother just died and I haven't gotten over it yet.
Person 2: Did I ask?
Person 1: Proceeds to beat person 2 to death

by Partydude17 May 23, 2023

Not that I did that or anything

A foolish person trying their best to lie. If anybody says that, you know they're lying, no matter the context.

"Hey dad, how do I get a penis out of a Cola bottle? Not that I did that or anything."
"I have no idea son, come down here, I don't want to shout."
"Nononono, I don't need to get down, it's fine."

by Cup of steel June 12, 2023

...I did something

The noise you hear before your friend is about to tell you that they zip tied their two big toes together.

Phone rings:
Friend 1: Hey what's up, you never call me?

Friend 2: ...I did something

Friend 1: Damn it, not again. Are you at least near scissors this time?

Friend 2: well um... funny story, I was going on a hike in the woods and I found a zip tie in my bag...

Friend 1: so what you're saying is you're in the middle of the woods alone with your big toes zip tied together?

Friend 2: Uhm... yeah pretty much...

Friend 1: (bursts out laughing) Well have fun with that, this is gonna be a fun story to tell my parents (hangs up)

Friend 2: Wait what do you mean tell your parents? Hello? Don't leave me here.

by IDK1234583 July 9, 2024