Westminster Alarm Clock

A sexual act closely related to a handjob. The receiver positions themselves so his phallus is accessible. At precisely the top of the hour, a partner grasps the receiver’s phallus and yanks on it with the force equivalent to the bell-ringers at Big Ben. This is succeeded by a shriek of either happiness or pain from the receiver. The amount of tugs depends on the time at the top of the hour. Dubbed “The Westminster Alarm Clock” due to Hugh Lupus Grosvenor, the Duke of Westminster, having the act performed on him prior to the construction of Big Ben. Disgruntled neighbors typically awoke to 8 loud evenly spaced shrieks each morning.

Gina: What time is it?
Colin: Noon. Why?
Gina: No reason…
Colin: AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!
Charlie: Sounds like Colin is getting one hell of a Westminster Alarm Clock. Oh shit! It’s noon! I’m gonna be late for that lunch date!

by TESTICLETWISTER October 13, 2024

alarm clock

A demonic thing that deprives you of what's rightfully yours. A.k.a. sleep

SHUT THAT FUCKING ALARM CLOCK OFF!!

by nigg er face March 18, 2015

scottish alarm clock

When you wake up before your partner and you give them head till they wake up.

My wife was asleep till I performed the Scottish alarm clock on her.

by Sandolorian December 12, 2021

Potato alarm clock

When you wake up to someone shitting the turd the size of a potato into your mouth

Person sleeping: (snoring with mouth open)
Significant other: (loud grunting)(massive shit falls out into sleeping persons mouth)
Person sleeping: (wakes up and eats potato sized turd)
Significant other: "you're welcome for your potato alarm clock"
Person sleeping: "Thanks baby that was the best one yet!!!"

by LittleSinep November 23, 2021

Cumbrian Alarm Clock

Waking a sleeping bed fellow with anal sex.

She was rudely awakened by Chris’s Cumbrian Alarm Clock.

by ChrisOl May 6, 2021

Ghetto alarm clock

When you sleep through your alarms and your friends come over to wake you up by banging on your bedroom window.

"Austin's phone died last night, but the ghetto alarm clock woke him up."

by Nathan V. September 26, 2021

Amish alarm clock

Getting so fucked up that you pass out and your buddies make a farm animal shit on your head.

Dan got so smashed that we had a cow give him an Amish alarm clock.

by Ďëřpďèřp August 26, 2025