Skip to main content

Calvin’s Law

A standing workplace rule that states: Upon completion of your third bowel movement on the same work day, you are immediately excused from work for the remainder of the day. You clearly have larger problems than work to deal with. Go home, get your shit handled and return to work in the morning.

Named after the creator of the law, Calvin Johnson.
"That's my third shit today! Calvin’s Law is now in effect. I'll see you guys in the morning... I'm going home."
Calvin’s Law by TinMonkey August 5, 2014

Calvin Cab

A random car that you flag down and offer to pay to take you home after a night drinking if no real cabs are present and you are desperate for a ride.
"It was fucking freezing out, so we had to calvin cab it home last night."
Calvin Cab by shipper1 September 19, 2009

Calvin Klein 

Doing lines or bumps of coke and ketamine at the same time
user1: Who wants to Calvin Klein?!
user2: I do, I do!!!
user3: You betta werk bitch! CK'ing is fierce!!
Calvin Klein by CA dream'in August 2, 2006

Calvin’s Law

Coined by League of Legends streamer Elite500 (Calvin), it states

> Giving a bad player kills will not make him better.

That is, the better player will win in all likelihood, regardless of leads gained early game. One should take comfort in his skill above his opponent rather than frustration with circumstances caused by jungler dynamics or other arbitraries, fundamentally out of his control.

Calvins Law is ultimately a generalization of common economic knowledge, that lump-sum cash transfers are typically the least effective type of aid which can be given (most notably, the cash transfer programs undertaken by numerous US NGOs in developing areas of Africa). Research by the Overseas Development Institute finds that the risk of corruption, lack of longer-term investment opportunities, and lack of infrastructure and training often render lump-sum cash transfers as the worst alternative among such options as direct training/building/humanitarian aid or regular smaller cash transfers.

Put another way, Calvin’s Law is commentary on the increasingly nepotic and privileged social dynamics of modern society, and a statement of hope despite such conditions. That, regardless of one’s birth and upbringing, as long as one possesses the skill necessary, deserved success will come, in due time.
This isn’t a death, it’s my Calvin’s Law angle!
Calvin’s Law by Gilgameshx0 February 21, 2023

Calvin and Hobbes 

the best damn thing since sliced bread! one of the funniest comics ever made about a six-year-old kid and his imaginary stuffed tiger. once you start reading one, you can't put it down.
i've read every single calvin and hobbes. bill watterson got skill.
Calvin and Hobbes by Antonia!!! February 7, 2009

Calvin Klein Club 

Where one uses cocaine, ketamine and cannabis in one night.
Aight mate, you enjoy last night?
Yeah, joined CKC (Calvin Klein Club) was mental
Calvin Klein Club by MiloC August 28, 2018