Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

The Law Of Maximum Misery

States that one should always be aware of their surroundings in order to prepare for the worst.

Billy is very careful and is driving a car. Therefore he suspects that a car filled with very noisy (and apparently drunk) teenagers would get into a wreck. So Billy turns unto a different street in order to avoid any other complications. So he is abiding to the rules of The Law Of Maximum Misery.

by Koachilion March 18, 2007

gum giving laws

The gum giving laws are the laws on who you can or cannot give gum to. The reasons you cannot give someone a piece of gum are as follows:

If they are named Addison,
If they put a dent in your wall,
If they cried on your pillow,
And if they previously tried to steal your gum

The gum giving laws were created by Pope John XII and are now in effect in every country even Singapore where gum is banned

by Lil big 4x June 3, 2020

Law of 100 Gays

The Law of 100 Gays is a sacred code created by our founding fathers hundreds of years prior to our existence. In this law, it is clearly stated that, “he who claims another man is gay over 100 times is instantly wrong, and instantly gay”. This law originally came from outer space, but has been used in numerous occasions as proof of innocence from discrimination by the council of gay.

Dear Citizen, you are very gay, and I have called you gay over one hundred times!
Citizen: HALT! I am far from gay! I shall apply the law of 100 gays to cancel out my gayness and make you the gayest man of all eternity!

by Bigpecker69 March 26, 2021

double-brother-in-law

Sister’s husband and spouse’s brother at the same time.

My double-brother-in-law is a good person.

by Rwopazaq November 24, 2019

Murphy's Mechanic's Law

Anything in your car that has gone wrong, will ""not"" go wrong when the mechanic is looking.

My high-beam dimmer--switch is faulty, yet when I took the car to the mechanic for troubleshooting, the switch worked perfectly for him! Typical Murphy's Mechanic's Law at work!

by QuacksO July 18, 2018

the law of dangling cords

Whenever you have a cord, rope, wire, string, etc. on your person that is dangling as you walk or move, then the dangling object has a tendency to get caught up or wrapped around another object in your path.

As I transported the DVD player from the bedroom to the living room, the cord got wrapped around the bathroom doorknob. That is what you call the law of dangling cords.

by dreamquestone January 30, 2022