Crawford’s 1st law

Crawford’s 1st law: A man should never date a woman who wears larger panties than he does.

Dan, you can’t date that girl because her panties are XL, yours are only M. That is Crawford’s 1st law.

by Dan 4250 March 27, 2019

Garland’s Law of Toilets

(1) In a bathroom, the least used and cleanest toilet will be the one that the eye travels to last.

(2) The cleanest toilet will never be the stall closest to the door, nor the one furthest from it, unless it is a stall handicap.

(3) The higher in elevation, the cleaner and less used the toilet.

“Bro, I can’t find a clean bathroom on campus...”

“Dude, just follow Garland’s Law of Toilets, the cleanest one is the third stall in the fourth floor library bathroom.”

by Dr. Toilet, Ph.D March 3, 2020

Turd Law of Relativity

The apparent difference in the rate of time perceived by someone taking a dump compared to the rest of the world. (For every minute you think you've been sitting on the toilet, 80-100 seconds have actually gone by.) The Turd Law rarely holds up to empirical measurement, and is therefore considered by the scientific community to be a big load of crap.

Boss: "If you weren't in there droppin' a deuce for so long you might be done your work by now."
Me: "I was in there for five minutes. Six tops."
Boss: "More like 15 or 20…"
Me: "Well I'll be damned. I just proved the Turd Law of Relativity."

by JohnnyApocalypse October 23, 2013

The Law Of Maximum Misery

States that one should always be aware of their surroundings in order to prepare for the worst.

Billy is very careful and is driving a car. Therefore he suspects that a car filled with very noisy (and apparently drunk) teenagers would get into a wreck. So Billy turns unto a different street in order to avoid any other complications. So he is abiding to the rules of The Law Of Maximum Misery.

by Koachilion March 18, 2007

The Nazi scat laws

a set of laws in nazi germany that states that if a soldier does not have intercouse where the two participants are covered in shit piss vomit cum diet coke boogers asshole juice discharge eyeball crust and more shit, they will be put to death via godzilla sacrifice

Hitler: Uou have violated The Nazi Scat laws, DIE!!
nazi soldier: nooo
michel jordin:jumpsot

by Meatwad60 June 21, 2022

the law of dangling cords

Whenever you have a cord, rope, wire, string, etc. on your person that is dangling as you walk or move, then the dangling object has a tendency to get caught up or wrapped around another object in your path.

As I transported the DVD player from the bedroom to the living room, the cord got wrapped around the bathroom doorknob. That is what you call the law of dangling cords.

by dreamquestone January 30, 2022

Law of 100 Gays

The Law of 100 Gays is a sacred code created by our founding fathers hundreds of years prior to our existence. In this law, it is clearly stated that, “he who claims another man is gay over 100 times is instantly wrong, and instantly gay”. This law originally came from outer space, but has been used in numerous occasions as proof of innocence from discrimination by the council of gay.

Dear Citizen, you are very gay, and I have called you gay over one hundred times!
Citizen: HALT! I am far from gay! I shall apply the law of 100 gays to cancel out my gayness and make you the gayest man of all eternity!

by Bigpecker69 March 26, 2021