Spank the monkey

An American state sport, in other words, jacking off. Numerous other ways of saying this include Beating the meat, playing the devil’s fiddle (for you Christian white guys).

Viktor: Dude, you gotta come see this photo of Mia Khalifa!
James: Gimme a sec, I’m gonna go spank the monkey...

by Goddamnit James February 7, 2018

monkey motion

A lot of needless, senseless, non-value added activity; use of this expression should invoke images of a monkey masturbating on top of a boulder.

"You need to quit all that monkey motion and get a goddamn job."

by maxaminus May 10, 2009

dousche monkey

When one is not only a dousche bag, but is also being extremely high key in a low key setting or super unfunny.

At a party where cops are patrolling outside.
Dousche Monkey runs out of the house into the backyard and yells: Dudes! Let's get hammered!
Everyone Else: Stop being such a dousche monkey! we're gonna get rolled!

by crzyqbanmark January 6, 2008

powder monkey

A young boy on sailing ships similar to the peg boy who instead of reciving anal pleasures would distribute gun powder to batteries of cannon durring a sea going battle

I bet the little powder monkey has to sleep with two hands on his ass and one eye open

by BostonBySea January 13, 2006

arse monkey

An arse monkey, is a piece of turd usualy at the end of a stodgy excretion session that hangs from your ringpiece, when you shake your arse its clings to your butt branches (arse pubes), sometimes they choose to descend themselves, but othertimes a particulary stubborn monkey has to be plucked from the tree!

It is a large form of clinker or winnet!

"For Fucks Sake, Ive got a fucking arse monkey again and ive ran out of toilet paper!"

"Oh Jimmy, Its your own bloody fault, you have to eat more fruit you cheesy wanker"

by joby read January 15, 2008

grey monkey

When you catch a male senior citizen pissing into his own mouth.

"Oh snizznap! I went to see Grandad and that mo' fo' was giving himself the ol' grey monkey!"

by G-Block Etobirock January 6, 2007

Shock The Monkey

Based off the song of the same name by Peter Gabriel, the term is used when an individual incites or causes another to feel jealous or spiteful. To bring out one's primal instinct to protect what they believe is there's.

Phil: "Dude! You have a girlfriend?!"

Dan: "Yeah. She's really awesome. I think she might be the one but I'll give it a year or two. Really something special."

Phil: "Her ass, though! Damn! I would love t-"

Dan: "Don't Shock The Monkey, Phil!"

by DonutHoleMole99 July 23, 2019