Jesus Nuke

It's like a regular nuke, except it eradicates all sin within a 100 lightyear radius. It also destroys cringeworthy things like furry smut, cancer fandoms, etc. Also, when it explodes, Jesus comes out of the mushroom cloud.

Girl 1: Hey, have you heard of K-Pop?
Girl 2: OMG YASSS I LOVE K-POP!!!!!
Guy: DROP THE JESUS NUKE!
*Explosion punctuated with angelic choir music*

by guymanchester August 13, 2017

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Jesus Boner

When you are flaccid, but you really need to get up in there...You pray to Jesus and he delivers a massive boner.

"Please give me this Jesus boner, Christ. To fuck this chick/dude!"

by TheBonePolice January 9, 2019

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#jesus boner

When you want to get up in there...but you are too wasted. You pray to Jesus to give you a massive boner.

"I'm tweeting Jesus for a #Jesus Boner. Please give me the strength to fuck the chick/dude."

by TheBonePolice January 9, 2019

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Jesus Boner

A boner so holy that divine light is shed upon it and a choir of alter boys sing in the background. Morning wood becomes morning good.

That hoe got the Jesus Boner, nah mean?
(The choir passes in a catholic bus)

by Narcoleptic Cactus June 17, 2018

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Jesus Speaking

The art of Jesus speaking,talking to dead people through a microwave.

Frank : What are you going to do today?
Anthony : I'm going to do some Jesus speaking
Frank : Who will you talk to?
Anthony : Actually whoever replies lol.

by Zxkred June 22, 2018

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Sexy Jesus

When people are actually attracted to Jesus because of his handsome appearance.

Ironically, Jesus wasn't actually all that good looking according to the bible:

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him."-Isaiah 53:2

Most people seem to be attracted to Sexy Jesus when in reality Jesus wasn't all that beautiful

by Nordicdragon June 27, 2018

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