Jesus Was A Satanist

Jesus was a Satanist. Satan was a Christian.

"Jesus was a Satanist 'cause Satan goes to church. Satan was a Christian when the death bell rang for Lurch. He died a frankenbooger up his nostril with a seed. They buried him on Friday. Now his pumpkin Halloweed!"

by ANOTHERDEADROMEO April 30, 2023

Jesus Louiseus

When someone is doing anything annoying (Normally someone named Louise) to annoy them.

Jesus Louiseus, you will have to pick up all this flour!

by Louiseus Cameron May 4, 2023

Meme jesus

Some weird looking fat ginger virgin who sells discord rolls for nudes and when he doesn't get them he gets quite upset and throws fits where he often ends up half asleep with a fist in his anus

That ginger cunt meme Jesus has 1.8million followers. Please tell me how that's possible

by Dogn't November 14, 2018

Jesus banger

A religious song or hymn, often sung as part of a primary school assembly.

Sing hosanna is a right Jesus banger.

by Lulublu November 24, 2018

jesus pinch

The part of a new can of dip that is already empty after being packed. It is said that this is the pinch Jesus took out for himself before you.

"Damn! The Jesus pinch is huge out of this Copenhagen can!"

by TheManCam July 12, 2017

Jesus Nuke

It's like a regular nuke, except it eradicates all sin within a 100 lightyear radius. It also destroys cringeworthy things like furry smut, cancer fandoms, etc. Also, when it explodes, Jesus comes out of the mushroom cloud.

Girl 1: Hey, have you heard of K-Pop?
Girl 2: OMG YASSS I LOVE K-POP!!!!!
Guy: DROP THE JESUS NUKE!
*Explosion punctuated with angelic choir music*

by guymanchester August 13, 2017

Jesus Boner

When you are flaccid, but you really need to get up in there...You pray to Jesus and he delivers a massive boner.

"Please give me this Jesus boner, Christ. To fuck this chick/dude!"

by TheBonePolice January 9, 2019