Jesus Boner

When you are flaccid, but you really need to get up in there...You pray to Jesus and he delivers a massive boner.

"Please give me this Jesus boner, Christ. To fuck this chick/dude!"

by TheBonePolice January 9, 2019

#jesus boner

When you want to get up in there...but you are too wasted. You pray to Jesus to give you a massive boner.

"I'm tweeting Jesus for a #Jesus Boner. Please give me the strength to fuck the chick/dude."

by TheBonePolice January 9, 2019

Jesus Boner

A boner so holy that divine light is shed upon it and a choir of alter boys sing in the background. Morning wood becomes morning good.

That hoe got the Jesus Boner, nah mean?
(The choir passes in a catholic bus)

by Narcoleptic Cactus June 17, 2018

Jesus Speaking

The art of Jesus speaking,talking to dead people through a microwave.

Frank : What are you going to do today?
Anthony : I'm going to do some Jesus speaking
Frank : Who will you talk to?
Anthony : Actually whoever replies lol.

by Zxkred June 22, 2018

Sexy Jesus

When people are actually attracted to Jesus because of his handsome appearance.

Ironically, Jesus wasn't actually all that good looking according to the bible:

"He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him."-Isaiah 53:2

Most people seem to be attracted to Sexy Jesus when in reality Jesus wasn't all that beautiful

by Nordicdragon June 27, 2018

Size of Jesus

Describing an object or thing as really big. Size of Jesus is a unit of measurement

"I saw a big spider in the hallway last night"
"How big was it?"
"Mate it was the size of Jesus"

by Normieroxanne July 8, 2018

Jesus-Like

Being <Jesus-Like> is when somebody has pure power or control of there actions.

Man that guy is real powerfull
OR.
Man that guy is real <Jesus-Like>

by Your_Maker June 5, 2018