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owns ponies

The term describes something that is exceptional, or awesome. It is derived from "pwn" which is ultimate nerd internet ownage. To own ponies is to do something amazing or be amazing.

The reverse of this, sucking, is to "blow ponies".
"She let me get to third base on the first date! Third base totally owns ponies!"
by Sexjelly October 28, 2007
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Magical Ponies

Magical Ponies are as the name implies, ponies of a magical variety.

They are invisible to all but a gifted few, however as they largely feed on fat kids, you can occasionally see the shimmering outline of a Magical Pony in the crumb haze that follows.
Person 1: Hey look at that fat kid run!
Person 2: Woah man, look into that crumb haze! There must be at least three Magical Ponies right on his tail!
by Captain Shenanigans March 8, 2010
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Related Words

calm your ponies

A very annoying replacement for "hold your horses", "calm yourself", "chill out, dude".

A phrase that is used to one's friend when they are

a) having a panic attack
b) freaking out about something pointless
c) worried / anxious / nervous
d) in a hurry and are constantly annoying you to move faster
"Dude, I think my girlfriend is breaking up with me!"
"Calm your ponies, she's probably just PMSing"

"Wow, can you please like, hurry up? I don't have all day."
"Hey calm your ponies, I'm working on it."
by fafoyojo March 13, 2010
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2 phones

Basically a person who has 2 phones is a dope dealer.
Friend:Aye man why you got 2 phones? Dealer: One for the clients and one for the plug man.
by KC gangsta September 5, 2016
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Flesh Ear-phones

Flesh Ear-phones is a term used for when a woman is sitting on a mans' face during oral sex and her thighs surround his head, smothering sound like ear-phones do. Sometimes, this term is dramatized by saying that the oral sex lasted for so long that the person giving it is for a long time unable to hear.
Perry: " Dude have you been listening to me?!"
Frank: " Sorry man, I went down on Judy last night and I got flesh ear-phones"
by Frankietown October 24, 2009
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Phonics Monkey

The Phonics Monkey from that one episode of South Park where Cartman misspelled CHAIR in a spelling bee. When Cartman tried to get help from the phonics monkey, it just started beating off behind its drumbset.
A consumer report included the growing number of returns of the infamous reading product, the Phonics Monkey, which just turns out to be a degenerate species of bonobo chimp.
by aka_Pyro April 6, 2007
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Hooked on phonics

A program used by children to learn how to read. It is commonly used to describe a person who cannot read or pronounce words correctly. Alternatively, it can be used to insult a person who doesn't read well.
I don't know how to pronounce this (fucks the word up horribly). You know I'm hooked on phonics.

Jane: reads from a history book out loud in class, but stumbles through the reading.
Classmate: This bitch needs to be hooked on phonics.
by goodcrunchytaco January 28, 2021
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