Ass Monkey

A person who, for all intents and purposes, has never learned a god-damned thing. One who maintains a blissful ignorance of the world that simultaneously inspires amusement, disgust and despair in all who are unlucky enough to encounter him.

Did you see those ass-monkeys on Jaywalking last night? Ha-ha, they're so dumb...I think I'll kill myself.

by Petros March 10, 2004

Ass Monkey

A driver who follows your vehicle at an unsafe distance in their vehicle. A tailgater.

I wish that Ass Monkey would get off my tail!

by pseudoraptor February 18, 2010

Ass Monkey

Someone that is so very obsessed with ass, though this is not where the term's meaning comes from. Rather, it is the behavior of these ass monkeys. They act like douchebags for no reason and are typically extremely unintelligent.

John: "Yo, did you go to Mark's party last night? It was wild!"
Rudiger: "Nah mate, I didn't. Mark's a fucking ass monkey."

by Jay Faraday May 23, 2020

ass monkey

A person (usually a man) who i such an asshole that people leave the room when he enters and announces his presence.

At Jake's wedding, Dan was such an ass monkey that entire sections of the bride's family left the reception early.

by Andrew Rentschler June 9, 2004

ass monkey

n. an individual who, when in an argument, just makes up statistics and quotes from authorities on the subject so they look correct
v. to make up statistics or quotes to appear more correct

n. Dan is such an ass monkey; there's no way that CNN had an exit poll that said that 87% of Americans want socialism.
v. I totally ass monkeyed through that test. There's no way Mrs. Clark will know that Teddy Roosevelt actually never said anything about anarchy's role in society.

by Monday's Dusk February 22, 2009

ass monkey

Someone who constantly follows someone else around and agrees with everything they say and do.

"hey, should we invite Ben around tonight?"

"nah, his ass monkey Matt will have to come too."

"oh yeah. let's not."

by turnip bukowski September 26, 2006

ass monkey

Small monkey like creatures the size of leprichauns who crawl around your ass while your asleep. ass monkeys usually wedgie guys in tighty whites or chicks wearing g's or thongs. As monkers are also the reason lint appears in your ass. If you capture an ass monkey it will play poker with you.

*Chick* I got such a wedgie last night
*guy* Me to, I blame ass monkeys
*Chick* You were tighy whites? You a fag nerd

by PAki chan June 9, 2005