The pseudoscientific belief that every catastrophic fuck-up in a man’s life can be traced back to one single, glorious nut he should’ve never busted.
A retroactive coping mechanism where dudes convince themselves that if they’d just rubbed one out before that one pivotal moment…be it a job interview, a wedding proposal, or texting “wyd” at 2 a.m.…the entire timeline would’ve stayed on the rails. The theory claims post nut clarity is so powerful it warps reality like a cum shot to the space time continuum.
A retroactive coping mechanism where dudes convince themselves that if they’d just rubbed one out before that one pivotal moment…be it a job interview, a wedding proposal, or texting “wyd” at 2 a.m.…the entire timeline would’ve stayed on the rails. The theory claims post nut clarity is so powerful it warps reality like a cum shot to the space time continuum.
Example:
“Bro, I proposed to my side chick instead of my girlfriend because I skipped my morning jerk. Classic Nutsakeum Theory…should’ve drained the lizard before popping the question.”
Alternate usage:
“According to Nutsakeum Theory, the Titanic sank because the captain hadn’t busted a fat one since Liverpool. Iceberg? More like blue balls.”
“Bro, I proposed to my side chick instead of my girlfriend because I skipped my morning jerk. Classic Nutsakeum Theory…should’ve drained the lizard before popping the question.”
Alternate usage:
“According to Nutsakeum Theory, the Titanic sank because the captain hadn’t busted a fat one since Liverpool. Iceberg? More like blue balls.”
by MinotDUIDrifter October 30, 2025
Get the Nutsakeum Theory mug.The Axon Theory is kind of the video game versions of Jupming the Shark and Nuking the Fridge, it means that a Video Game series that has gone into major crappy meltdown.
Mortal Kombat Armageddon was the lameest 7th sequel to hit the video game shelves because of the lame fataitlies they have < so I considered this as a part of "The Axon Theory". I also name this word after one of the hoverboards in "Unreal Tournament 3".
by MikeKal August 27, 2009
Get the The Axon Theory mug.A conspiracy theory that makes your 40 year old Facebook mom believe they should get vaccinated or believe the earth is round.
Anti-conspiracy theory: “The earth is actually flat, however the government wants you to thinks its flat. When in reality it’s round”
by Startupedition May 10, 2023
Get the anti-conspiracy theory mug.A theory used by measuring the number of days in a month. If your index finger touches your knuckle of your hands, the month has 31 days, while if you touch the skin of your fist, it has 30 (with the exception of February).
Scott: Dude, how many days are there in August?
Dave: 31.
Scott: Isn't it 30?
Dave: Use the Knuckle Theory.
Dave: 31.
Scott: Isn't it 30?
Dave: Use the Knuckle Theory.
by OpeN333 October 22, 2013
Get the Knuckle Theory mug.The Septum Ring Theory is a term towards leftist extremists and sexists who think they‘re always right and have an inflated ego. This heavily applies to women, but some of the pick me men also use these.
by JosephineK November 10, 2025
Get the Septum Ring Theory mug.A belief that a strange event or circumstance is caused by normal means and shouldnt be looked into any further even in the face of mounting evidence suggesting otherwise.
by b4zzo July 9, 2021
Get the Suspiracy Theory mug.The Wang-Baatar theory establishes a balance between energy spent on romantic relationships with other relationships in order to promote the stability of fellow women everywhere...
... with set variables...
1) Hookups (H)
2) Casual Dates (D)
3) Platonic Friends (F)
4) Friends with Benefits (B)
5) Relationship (R)
...and dependent on the combination of variables where:
B = H+ F where H or F can come first
(F + D) > or = H
The spectrum of variables:
F -- B -- H -- D -- R
... with set variables...
1) Hookups (H)
2) Casual Dates (D)
3) Platonic Friends (F)
4) Friends with Benefits (B)
5) Relationship (R)
...and dependent on the combination of variables where:
B = H+ F where H or F can come first
(F + D) > or = H
The spectrum of variables:
F -- B -- H -- D -- R
The Wang-Baatar Theory saved my life when I realized that I needed to focus on my friends more than the meaningless hookups that I have!
by moon&gwangster September 9, 2020
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