The act of sticking your index finger into your anus, getting poop on finger, and digging your fingernail into your friends cheek leaving the poop in the hole.
Guy 1: Dude, did you hear what happened to Brad at the camp?
Guy 2: Yeah, I heard Sean gave him a Captain's hook!
Guy 2: Yeah, I heard Sean gave him a Captain's hook!
by Dr cockcycle May 13, 2013
Get the Captain's hookmug. by Moby_Dicktator November 23, 2010
Get the the Captain Ahabmug. A half-functioning fishing captain powered by nicotine, meth, and pure coastal paranoia. Captain Crank is the guy screaming about government satellites while freebasing off tin foil in the engine room of a rusted-out commercial boat—or chain-smoking through a guided trip while cussing at seagulls and mumbling about “the deep state tracking red snapper migrations.”
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
Not to be confused with an old salty dog—Captain Crank isn’t wise, he’s wired. You’ll know him by the jerky hand movements, a permanent squint (either from sun damage or sleep deprivation), and the overwhelming scent of bait, diesel, and regret.
Spotting Characteristics:
- Yellowed mustache from years of inhaling tinfoil smoke
- Boat held together by zip ties, duct tape, and spite
- Knows exactly where the fish are… but won’t tell you unless you “wake up to what’s really going on”
- Listens exclusively to ham radio frequencies and Joe Rogan clips from 2016
- Will fight you and the harbor patrol if you touch his bait cooler
Common Habitats:
- Commercial fishing boats with suspicious burn marks near the bilge
- Charter docks where someone just got fired or disappeared
- VFW bars with broken pool tables
- Forums arguing that fish finders are government mind-control devices
“We thought he was just passionate… until Captain Crank started yelling about fluoride in the chum.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
“Captain Crank brought us to the fish, but also brought a .38 and a full-blown manifesto.”
“If you smell burnt foil and hear something about ‘the government stealing our swordfish,’ turn around—that’s a Captain Crank.”
“He didn’t use sonar. He said he ‘felt the vibrations in his fillings.’ I’m never chartering with Captain Crank again.”
by Pary Moppins August 3, 2025
Get the Captain Crankmug. by HyPerEZ October 20, 2020
Get the Captain Custommug. A nigga who always be lacking. Sometimes he makes a joke and nobody laugh but we still love the guy.
-Guys why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
Everyone:
-Man you really did just pull a captain useless.
Everyone:
-Man you really did just pull a captain useless.
by ButFuggle April 16, 2020
Get the captain uselessmug. Choker captain is none other than kohli,because he always chokes in important matches as both batsman and as well as captain,but his clueless fans always covers them with batting stats,though he is a paytm winner he always plays for personal records rather than team's win and he failed completely as a captain for rcb without a trophy after he done 9 captaincy for rcb but couldn't win a single trophy,as rcb rarely qualify for playoffs he is the perfect man suitable for choker captain
by CHOKERKOHLI loyal fan November 23, 2020
Get the Choker captainmug. Dude with a slim build who sees himself as more of a Scottiah adonis body god
Usually found peacocking around the floor for no reason
Throws out a random flex when a member of the opposite sex is around
Usually found peacocking around the floor for no reason
Throws out a random flex when a member of the opposite sex is around
by Jonsnowknowsnowt July 27, 2016
Get the Captain Flexmug.