A well known author read mostly by an older, more seasoned demographic. Koontz is defined by a descriptive, fluid and mature writing style and storylines that fall far outside the mainstream into what many times can be considered almost indescribable in their uniqueness. Koontz has tackled a wide array of subjects from mind control and behavioral modification (The Door to December) to sociopathic serial killers (Intensity) to the truly supernatural (Tick Tock, Darkfall). Often times disrespected by young pricks that have never read two words of one of his novels because they prefer to act smart by talking about Stephen King when in reality they've never read two words of one of his novels, either. Dean Koontz will never gain the mainstream press and praise of most other well known writers, but he has been in the game for a long time and has a very big fan base devoted to his finely crafted works of fiction.
Zach: "Hey man. I just finished this Dean Koontz book called The Servants of Twilight, it was pretty rad."
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
by Whatever's Clever October 18, 2008
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Get the koboner mug.1. An ultraconservative, hack bestselling author with no discernible writing skills whatsoever, read (and defended) by semi-literate Neanderthals who consider his tripe "real good writin'." Books are characterized by stilted dialogue, senseless plotting, intrusive author's voice, messy tone, surface characterization, tired genre tropes, laugh out loud resolutions, and metaphors so sloppy they would make a six-year-old roll her eyes.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Dean: "I picked up a new Dean Koontz today at Walgreens for 50% off."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
by KingofCali008 December 29, 2010
Get the Dean Koontz mug.A person who is good at texting girls but, in real life they are socially awkward when it comes to talking to girls.
Allan was a total kason after texting Jennifer all day but at the football game later that day, she walked past and Allan did not say a word to her.
by Zach Straber January 1, 2012
Get the Kason mug.A person who might be “book smart” but who at times acts severely challenged in the real world. Often those around a Kolonius will be amused and confused by their contradictory behavior. One who serves as a living paradox that “no one this smart can be that big of a moron”.
A Kolonius might stun those around them with their ability to model complex systems using physics or calculus, and at the same time will dumbfound spectators when said character tries to open a can of tuna with an umbrella.
A Kolonius might stun those around them with their ability to model complex systems using physics or calculus, and at the same time will dumbfound spectators when said character tries to open a can of tuna with an umbrella.
A Kolonius will often concoct elaborate stories having no basis in reality as a sad attempt to cover up for their socially awkward behavior, such as this ludicrous explanation of a failed pick-up attempt:
“I told her if she came home with me I’d photograph her naked in my basement! Uh, um…but then she had to leave because Santa Claus flew in on a vacuum cleaner and reminded me I left the oven on”.
A Kolonius will also multiply any quantity or endeavor to an absurd degree with each re-telling to make stories more sensational, and simultaneously blatantly untrue but hilarious: i.e. “Well I’d had about 43 Gin and Tonics”, or “Oh, that was the week I jogged out to the West Coast”.
“I told her if she came home with me I’d photograph her naked in my basement! Uh, um…but then she had to leave because Santa Claus flew in on a vacuum cleaner and reminded me I left the oven on”.
A Kolonius will also multiply any quantity or endeavor to an absurd degree with each re-telling to make stories more sensational, and simultaneously blatantly untrue but hilarious: i.e. “Well I’d had about 43 Gin and Tonics”, or “Oh, that was the week I jogged out to the West Coast”.
by Wan Rodriguez December 15, 2008
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