jared

a dick

jared: i like this girl

girl: i like you too
jared: can we be friends

by kennnnny February 15, 2019

Jared Wood

Bandwagoner to every team that wins the championship

Ryan- I just saw Jared Wood in his new Bryce Harper jersey!
Caitlyn- Really! He just bought a Manny Maxhado jersey yesterday!

by Sarah Graysun :) March 7, 2019

Jared

Once a lost and troubled soul trapped in the fourth underworld, Jared became a God to the Aztecs when mysterious life forms descended to Mictlan seeking an ancient rumored power. The citizens of Planet Z spent years traveling through different dimensions only to discover what they sought was not to be found - but created. Jared was chosen by the leader of Z. A few indulgent meanderings and shots of whiskey later, the celestial alignment cast an electric surge between Cancer and Scorpio. The surge was so poignant, tightly bound and focused that Jared became the first being to have successful intercourse with an extraterrestrial, bridging the gap between Gods and Aliens by taking on the role of Daddy: God of The Impossibly Mindblowing Orgasm. The Z leader surrendered to Jared as an object of pleasure for all eternity as an expression of gratitude for helping to create the ultimate sexual energy. Although Jared is immortal, his human form is a specimen of perfection, sexuality and divine masculinity. His generously proportioned reproductive organ was hand sculpted by Zeus with perfection in the style of a male Venus de Milo. Jared excels in all things delicious, and even his humanly procreative fluids are indicated by legend to have an intoxicating flavor as well as healing powers and a magical, iridescent glow.

I could spend forever drinking from a fountain filled by the excited expulsions of Jared.

Jared likes to get real fucked up.

by Ballfro Esquire May 8, 2020

Jahred

This guy is total package. Good personality, charming looks, intelligent and has a great sense of humor. He is very passionate with his dreams and as a lover. You will always feel loved, appreciated and safe when he's by your side. He can get everyone's attention when he walks into the room. He may look intimidating at first but once you get along you will gasp your breath from laughing.

That guy has it all , He is a Jahred.

by I dunno who is this November 25, 2021

JaredBlack

Referring to someone that is considered below the functional IQ of a normal person,

"Jimmy is so stupid hes JaredBlack"

by JustYourAverageOddity November 29, 2022

The Jared Cipak

A mosh move, usually starting with 2 or 3 2-Steps followed by a back/front flip. You do this repeatedly until your heart stops.

To do the jared cipak, takes much skill and ear streching, some will never master it, as hard as they may try.

by moshandroll01 January 31, 2007

pull a jared

Saying you're going to do one thing, but go to jail instead.

Don't pull a Jared.

by #momproblems August 23, 2015