A term meant for a person who is a well accomplished sniper in the marine corps. Their uncle was shot down in a helicopter. They speak 4 different languages-English, German, Russian, and bullshit. (primarily bullshit)
They are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler, a man who had no children. They are so dedicated to the bullshit they speak, they would gun down anyone who stood in their way. They know how to assemble a nuclear submarine blindfolded, yet cannot identify the location of a carburetor on a vehicle. To be a proper Koontz, you must have undergone extensive marine sniper training in Fort Bragg, Oklahoma. You say there is no Fort Bragg in Oklahoma? That's how top secret it is.
Koontzes have been shot in the chest multiple times with a 30 ought 6 rifle. You also own a .17 caliber rifle. A .44 magnum round tickles, yet when a dog jumps on your knee, you are crippled for at least a week.
To be a Koontz is to be a god.
They are direct descendants of Adolf Hitler, a man who had no children. They are so dedicated to the bullshit they speak, they would gun down anyone who stood in their way. They know how to assemble a nuclear submarine blindfolded, yet cannot identify the location of a carburetor on a vehicle. To be a proper Koontz, you must have undergone extensive marine sniper training in Fort Bragg, Oklahoma. You say there is no Fort Bragg in Oklahoma? That's how top secret it is.
Koontzes have been shot in the chest multiple times with a 30 ought 6 rifle. You also own a .17 caliber rifle. A .44 magnum round tickles, yet when a dog jumps on your knee, you are crippled for at least a week.
To be a Koontz is to be a god.
Koontz tore down the Berlin Wall.
Koontz won World WarII. The bomb from the Enola Gay failed to drop, so Koontz carried the bomb in on his back, then detonated it, living to tell the tale.
Koontz won World WarII. The bomb from the Enola Gay failed to drop, so Koontz carried the bomb in on his back, then detonated it, living to tell the tale.
by the asdf September 23, 2009
Get the Koontz mug.An extreme custy, lowlife, a homeless, lost person. Usually used to describe a person who suffers extreme poverty.
by mike m December 7, 2003
Get the Koongaraj mug.by keiidhdd October 11, 2018
Get the Koonery mug.Flirting with or hitting on your good friend's very serious girlfriend. Named after "Koon" of youtube fame. Kooning is often made possible when the boyfriend is away and the girlfriend shows pity for the kooning boy which is misinterpretted by the desperate despicable kooner as affection. Kooning is not cheating because the girlfriend is very pleased with her current boyfriend which just makes kooning all the more despicable.
"Did you see Alex kooning last night? If Nick knew he would beat the shit out of him!"
"How can you respect anyone who koons as much as he does? Doesn't he realize he doesn't have a chance?"
"How can you respect anyone who koons as much as he does? Doesn't he realize he doesn't have a chance?"
by Bob321 March 19, 2007
Get the Kooning mug.A well known author read mostly by an older, more seasoned demographic. Koontz is defined by a descriptive, fluid and mature writing style and storylines that fall far outside the mainstream into what many times can be considered almost indescribable in their uniqueness. Koontz has tackled a wide array of subjects from mind control and behavioral modification (The Door to December) to sociopathic serial killers (Intensity) to the truly supernatural (Tick Tock, Darkfall). Often times disrespected by young pricks that have never read two words of one of his novels because they prefer to act smart by talking about Stephen King when in reality they've never read two words of one of his novels, either. Dean Koontz will never gain the mainstream press and praise of most other well known writers, but he has been in the game for a long time and has a very big fan base devoted to his finely crafted works of fiction.
Zach: "Hey man. I just finished this Dean Koontz book called The Servants of Twilight, it was pretty rad."
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
Jaccob: "Dude, Koontz fuckin' sucks cock. Stephen King is way better. I saw some of IT on tv last night. Man, that guy's a great writer."
Zach: "You're gonna die in your fuckin' sleep tonight."
Jaccob: "What?!"
by Whatever's Clever October 18, 2008
Get the Dean Koontz mug.by JayGeeMoney February 22, 2011
Get the Koont mug.1. An ultraconservative, hack bestselling author with no discernible writing skills whatsoever, read (and defended) by semi-literate Neanderthals who consider his tripe "real good writin'." Books are characterized by stilted dialogue, senseless plotting, intrusive author's voice, messy tone, surface characterization, tired genre tropes, laugh out loud resolutions, and metaphors so sloppy they would make a six-year-old roll her eyes.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Read by your grandmother, your weird uncle, a couple of your friends and that slutty, weird girl you knew in high school and/or college. Also: read by people who wouldn't know real literature if a copy of "The Great Gatsby" fell out of the sky and knocked them unconscious.
2. Author whose best fortune came when a man named "Koontz" banged his mama, bestowing him with the name "Koontz," ensuring he would be shelved next to "King," a much superior writer in every sense of the word.
Dean: "I picked up a new Dean Koontz today at Walgreens for 50% off."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
Steve: "My god! You didn't read it, did you?"
Dean: "Yes, and now I've got severe brain damage."
Steve: "I see your brains are spilling out of your ears. Let's get you to the ER."
Dean: "Yes, thank you. I promise not to read any more Dean Koontz books."
Steve: "Thank you. I will hold you to that."
by KingofCali008 December 29, 2010
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