a complete and utter wanker

Derogatory English slang for one who masturbates i.e. a jerk off.

That bloke's driving a Range Rover, what a complete and utter wanker

by confarga September 28, 2005

Wanker's Cramp

The Most Deadly of British Diseases

Marik- Somebody call an ambulance! This limey needs urgent medical assistance! Apparently he has Wanker's Cramp.
Joey- Oh no! Bakura, speak to me!
Bakura- Wanker's Cramp: The Most Deadly of British Diseases.

by J-T-G March 21, 2009

wankering

Taking part in an act that will have you labeled as a wanker.

Pawan, would you stop wankering with those pokemon cards and come with us.

by MAN_WITH_PANTS October 29, 2004

strava wanker

Usually male, uses the app strava, with obsession, to outdo his 'friends' and cycling companions on segments and trails. Can be seen at the end of segments looking at his phone to check if he has knocked a second off his time or if he has beaten a 'friend'. Will chase past anyone shouting STRAVAAAAAAA extremely loudly and scaring the shit out of you, with the added bonus of knocking you off your bike.

The air will turn blue if anyone beats his time, friendships will be lost and marriages destroyed.

Ultimate aim of a strava wanker is to achieve a 'KOM', king of the mountain! This is usually celebrated with joy, happiness and high fives, more fulfilling than the birth of his first born.

Did you see that arseholes fly past on his bike, he's such a strava wanker!

by science queen November 18, 2014

Wind Wanker

Imaginary cumshots. or a parodie of wind waker legend of zelda.

a girl acting like they have a penis. Wind Wanker

by kermits asshole November 3, 2012

Status Wanker

Someone who updates their facebook status at every opportunity. Continuously informing us of their every movement, mood change and achievement... A true Status Wanker believes that people are actually interested in their status updates.

16:00 Sami is having a bad day at the office.
17:02 Sami is glad to be home after a tough day at the office and can't wait to get a bath and settle down in front of the TV with a glass of wine and her superstar of a boyfriend
18:04 Sami is watching a brill film

"god how much of a status wanker is Sami updating her status every hour"

by Vincent Zippoff March 10, 2009

wanker banker

Any one of the million or so neat neck-tie New York or London or San Fran bankers, traders, and/or financial types who troll otherwise hipster, posh bars or clubs claiming to actually be interested in art, culture, and the human condition when hitting on women otherwise way out of their league but for their singular monetary standing.
Usually spawned from ivy league Universities.

Attractive Girl #1: I love that film, can't believe it's been so long since I've seen it.
Attractive Girl #2: It was on IFC last night, I didn't even know I got the channel.
Wanker Banker: As much as I agree, I still think the book was better.
Attractive Girl #2: It's a documentary, ass.
(Wanker Banker shrugs, pretends to see some friends, angles towards the bar)
Attractive Girl #1: Fucking wank-bank.

or

Simone: What're they gonna do?
Marlene: I dunno, go back to her place.
Wanker-banker: My flat's not far from here, has a terrace with a view of the city.
Simon: Good for you.
Wanker Banker: I'm just sayin'-
Marlene: Dear gawd, this is the worst night of my life. We officially look like coke whores. Why else would a wanker banker assume he and his cheese dick button down could summon us to his apartment via cuff links and slacks ?
Simone: What a fucktard.

by RyKirb October 31, 2008