wank coma

The act of masturbating and falling asleep shortly after wards as a result of exhaustion

It was 2am and after pumping out a fat one, I was in a wank coma.

by Bigfatdoggo October 11, 2017

professional wank

Having a wank over someone’s LinkedIn profile.

LinkedIn recruiter: Hi! I came across your profile and thought you’d be great for this role.

Me: Please don’t have a professional wank over me

by antlizard March 1, 2021

Allegorical Wank

Cracking one out over an image which serves as a proxy for an intended (but unattainable) object of desire.

See also 'substitute shuftie' and 'simulacral shuffle'.

Baron Von Trapp couldn't make use of the new governess upon her arrival and so popped to the local church confessional booth with an image of the Virgin Mary for an allegorical wank.

by Theilliterate June 28, 2023

Throwback wank

A masturbation session done when thinking about or looking at pictures of someone from your past. Could be an ex-girlfriend from a few years back, your high school geography teacher, or anyone you no longer interact with.

With no clubs open and no chances to meet new people, all James could do was knock out a few throwback wanks every night.

by J. Domain February 26, 2021

Bridge Wank

The act of holding yourself up by one hand (e.g. On your bed) and holding your other side up with your feet (e.g. On a table or windowsill) and wanking. The increased blood flowing to the penis makes you more erect.

"Dude I just caught my son bridge wanking in his room."

by Harambeisinourhearts August 24, 2017

Wank metal

A person or group of highly technical metal musicians who wank over the speed and technicality of their music but nobody else cares. Typically those djent musicians who post videos of them playing highly technical guitar pieces from their moms basement.

"Here's my new guitar play-through guys, look how big my dick is! please excuse my sloppyness hehe"
"Oh another wank metal video "

by wank metal April 17, 2019

Wanks of Penkridge

Wanks of Penkridge

When something is so rubbish and underwhelming that you instantly presume it came from Penkridge

That tofu wanks of Penkridge

These pills wank of Penkridge

I better get some sleep before my date. I don't want to wank of Penkridge

by OoohLookAtMeGrowler February 19, 2019