speeding-Jesus

A car passing you while you are speeding. This car will most likely get stopped by the police instead of you. Thus, they sacrifice themselves for your speeding sins.

Thank you speeding-Jesus; I can keep driving fast now, as long as you are in front of me. Speeding-Jesus take wheel.

by heathcat June 15, 2019

Jesus Drags

When someone is smoking a ciggarete, and you ask for twos or last drags, they offer you jesus drags. Jesus did not smoke, so they mean they will not save you any.

Roger : Can i have LD's on that rollup?

Dom : I'll save you jesus drags

Roger : Douche

by hateallblacks July 4, 2009

Jesus Whompper

Kids with blue eyes and blonde hair, who's parents may have the same trait, and come from the south and brag about how awesome jesus is, even though deep down their awful people.

That new kid from georia is such a Jesus Whompper. He said Jesus loves everyone just before he laughed at the mentally challenged kids.

by carlitohasballs April 7, 2009

Jesus in a wheelchair?

When about to hell JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!! out of rage but realizing you are surrounded by Bible beaters, and quickly changing it to something else as not to be forced to listen to eighty bible verses to compensate for you sins.

Gay 1 (During intense super smash brothers ultimate for nintendo switch match) "JESUS IN A WHEELCHAIR?!?!?'d be funny right?"

Gay 2 "I guess it'd be funny?"

by Archduke of Douchebags May 16, 2019

Ruckus and Jesus

When your in the middle of fucking and realize that you are not holy and Jesus would not want you fucking for pleasure

Damn I was having the best sex of my life until I thought about Jesus. I guess I was hit with the Ruckus and Jesus

by Fidget spinner licker April 1, 2019

Jesus tv

Television program dedicated to teaching the "word of god". Televangelism

I'm watching this great preacher on the Jesus tv channel.

by Decimator June 28, 2011

Jesus Clean

A hasty way to clean dishes, namely cups. Originating from the christian ritual, the eucharist, in which only the rim of the cup is cleaned w/ a piece of cloth for the next person to drink.

joe: dude lets go
bill: hold on my mom told me to clean all the dishes in the sink
joe: wat are u a caveman? just toss them in the dish washer
bill: its broken
joe: then just jesus clean them bitches and lets go

by MaGoo69 January 5, 2011