Wank Fiend

A person (typically a family member) that calls you right before you ejaculate, messing up your rhythm and taking you out of the zone

Last night I was in the middle of a great jerk off session until my great grandma phoned me. She is such a wank fiend

by Dr. Schmedt May 18, 2018

Wank Murder

Suicide, taking one’s own life, onanicide

“Did John kill himself?”

“Yes he committed, Wank Murder”

by Kyle Pseudo October 16, 2019

Burglar Wank

Pleasuring yourself to climax whilst your partner lays asleep next to you in bed (in the dark)

You won't believe it Raymondo, but I had a burglar wank last night and my wife didn't even stir. Came from the bottom of my bollocks mate

by aljazmin November 12, 2021

Bridge Wank

The act of holding yourself up by one hand (e.g. On your bed) and holding your other side up with your feet (e.g. On a table or windowsill) and wanking. The increased blood flowing to the penis makes you more erect.

"Dude I just caught my son bridge wanking in his room."

by Harambeisinourhearts August 24, 2017

Allegorical Wank

Cracking one out over an image which serves as a proxy for an intended (but unattainable) object of desire.

See also 'substitute shuftie' and 'simulacral shuffle'.

Baron Von Trapp couldn't make use of the new governess upon her arrival and so popped to the local church confessional booth with an image of the Virgin Mary for an allegorical wank.

by Theilliterate June 28, 2023

Throwback wank

A masturbation session done when thinking about or looking at pictures of someone from your past. Could be an ex-girlfriend from a few years back, your high school geography teacher, or anyone you no longer interact with.

With no clubs open and no chances to meet new people, all James could do was knock out a few throwback wanks every night.

by J. Domain February 26, 2021

wank coma

The act of masturbating and falling asleep shortly after wards as a result of exhaustion

It was 2am and after pumping out a fat one, I was in a wank coma.

by Bigfatdoggo October 11, 2017