Crumpet Trumpet

A man who becomes sexually aroused while giving a woman oral sex;

often sought by legions of college females
A: Oh, he's in a Ska band, what does he play?

B: Let's just say he's a Crumpet Trumpet.

A: Mandy's gonna want his number..
by brookeybby November 30, 2010
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anal crumpet

The anal crumpet is an individual whose morals have collapsed into the rectum and much like hemorrhoids, they are painful to be around. This is an individual who is despicable and irrefutably nasty and has a history of being a player or attempting to be a player. The anal crumpet has no morals or is morally ambiguous, making them extremely unattractive or otherwise creepy.

A crumpet is a type of unsweetened bread usually served with tea. It is also often used in British slang to describe a woman who is sexually attractive. An anal crumpet is the exact opposite of the latter.
"My ex-husband cheated on me and lied about it! What an anal crumpet!"

"I just got hit on by this really creepy guy.
by That Crazy Hermit Writer July 06, 2014
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Bloody Crumpet

When you give a girl oral when she's on her period.
Guy 1: Damn, I had to give my girl head last night, but she's on her period!
Guy 2: So it was a bloody crumpet?
by cityondown123426 May 31, 2008
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cheeky crumpet

I'd love to eat that cheeky crumpet
by Zillion May 08, 2016
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Cock Crumpet

I haven’t seen him all weekend. He’s got a new bit of Cock crumpet.
by Petunia Fortunia March 05, 2022
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Gravy Crumpet

A sexual act - rimming someone with explosive diarrhoea.
Oh man, I was with Joe last night, we drank Moviprep and gave each other the Gravy Crumpet. Best night I've ever had.
by Legandor January 08, 2022
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Crumpet buttering

The act of ruining one's day exponentially and causing them anguish. Usually by denying a privilege or breaking a personal item. Sometimes just being a general annoyance to someone.
"That really was a crumpet buttering you gave him earlier."
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