Detectivate

To act as a detective, investigating something, even though you aren't one.

I'm gonna detectivate on that sushi place tonight.

by Quack M.D. August 1, 2019

Cretin Detectives

A syndicate of special agents trained in the art of discovering what is known in the trade as "cretin on cretin love". This is when 2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on deceit, only to be discovered and uncovered by the Cretin Detectives. After this relationship is unearthed the detectives are then obliged to bring this matter to the attention of anyone who will listen, causing unknown harm and humiliation to one or more of the Cretins.
Ways in which this can be done:
* Large posters in in highly populated areas.
* Telling family members anonymously.
* Flyer campaigns within large events such as fun fairs and children's game shows.
* Bringing to the attention of your flat mates a carefully placed mirror under a door.
... This will result in maximum circulation.

2 (or more) lowly delinquents form a relationship based on the premise that one of them will become bi-sexual and the other in order to hide this will have sexual relations with anyone that looks their way (or not), this includes: driving instructors; ex-boyfriends; ex-boyfriends of best friends; ex friends of boyfriends; friends from the past; friends from the present; and strangers who are friends you haven't met yet.
Eg. "Omgosh, those guys were so caught out by the cretin detectives!"

by Jude Clipsom and Katie Halstead June 19, 2008

Dick Detectives

The breed of men who like to investigate meat and two veg.
Most famous of these being Cock Columbo.

I have to make sure there are no Dick Detectives operating before I take a squirt.

by B-Neutron September 11, 2006

Pet Detective

The thrusting motion created when providing anal sex to another party. The term derives from a veterinarian providing a domesticated animal a rectal examination.

John: Hey man, when I went into your room yesterday, I saw you doing the Pet Detective on Emily.

James: Yeah. It's all in the arms.

by Civics March 30, 2012

Desertify

- to beat someone in the face with the desert of their choice.

Hey Bethaniel, i'm about to desertify your face with my Drumstick.

by BLUMPKINTOWN May 13, 2011

Detective Stormy

A procedure by which one inserts his nose into his or her partner's anus and inhales as he or she breaks wind. Also, the one who performs such an act. In honor of Paula Zahn.

"Oh, that Paula I'll be her detective stormy."

by Rich and Shep March 1, 2005

Playing Detective

When you're walking around with your phone not knowing that the damn flashlights been on the whole time making you feel like like a dumbass

What the fuck is he looking for
Hes just playing detective

by Seanieboyyyyyyyyy June 16, 2018