captain futon

n. a guy who sleeps on a futon...and particularly likes to tell you when he is transforming it from couch to bed form or vise versa.

Captain Futon to girl: I think im gonna lie down on my futon, gimme a second to transform it from couch to bed form.

by randomness42467 February 21, 2009

captain clusterfuck

A person who is completely unable to do anything right or to make things work. If given any task he/she will fuck it up causing problems for everybody.

Mike: How will be in charge of the christmas office party this year?

Al: I will take the title of marster of the ceremony?
Mike: Al, the only title you can take is Captain Clusterfuck. You can not organize a trip to the bathroom, let alone a party. Everything given to you is doomed for failure.

by buck neckid ALM December 6, 2010

Captain Beefheart

Captain Beefheart (aka Don Van Vliet) and The Magic Band produced what is commonly regarded by critics and fans as one of rock's few truly original bodies of work. Combining elements of free jazz, blues and rock, they produced something distinctly different from anything which had ever been heard before, and heavily influenced a wide range of later musicians such as Tom Waits, PJ Harvey and John Lydon.

In the words of Frank Zappa, "Listen, be quiet and pay attention to this man's music, because if you don't, you might miss something important and we wouldn't want that to happen to you. You need all the friends you can get."

Quite simply the most original and greatest musician of the last 100 years.

You've never heard of Beefheart? You must be fucking lame.

by russxl February 1, 2005

Captain Charisma

Christian's nickname since he is one of the most charismatic wrestlers in the WWE today.

"I'm Captain Charisma and that's how I roll."-Christian

by Alex January 5, 2005

Captain Hammer

One of the key characters of the new (and might I add fucking awesome) musical, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. Captain Hammer (played by Nathan Fillion) is an incredibly strong and incredibly conceited superhero of the musical. He is also very well-liked by the public in the musical. (Unfortunately for him, 99.9% of watchers are rooting for the villian, Dr. Horrible.) Out of all the songs in the musical, Captain Hammer sings in "A Man's Gotta Do", "So they Say", and "Everyone's a Hero", but also appears in "My Eyes", "Brand New Day", and "Slipping". Captain Hammer eventually meets his defeat by Dr. Horrible when he feels pain and has to stop superhero-ing to go into therapy.

Captain Hammer:
"She's with the Hammer, and these *holds up fists* aren't the hammers."

*Walks away, then comes back.*

"The Hammer is my penis."

by CrazyMongoose129 June 5, 2009

Captain Disillusion

Captain Disillusion is the alias of a video skeptic who breaks down viral film and video into cinematic components for analysis.

Captain Disillusion has a YouTube channel where he presents many viral videos with debunking evidence.

by The Red October May 14, 2009

Captain Cuck

A LOSER NERD with a good paycheck but absolutely no game whatsoever frequents a strip club, falls in love and ends up marrying a stripper who later traps him with child then gets super fat and unfuckable. This loser nerd stays in the marriage to avoid paying alimony but the fat ex stripper gets a new boyfriend who moves in and the pathetic loser nerd pays for everything.

Jalisco, a mild mannered banquet captain by day, but by night he becomes

CAPTAIN CUCK!!!!
Able to hear loud screams and moans in a single sigh
Able to hold his knees tight to his chest as he cries himself to sleep every night

by meqanick68 May 15, 2023