varnished monkey

Someones who's really vain and makes an unecessary effort with their appearance e.g. a well oiled, beautifully bronzed sunbather at a tourist resort, or a cool kid with too much gel in their hair. The phrase was first used in german (lackierter Affe), and is a lovely description of that loathsome type of person.
Arnie: "Check out my beautifully oiled biceps"
Sally: "Wow! You're a real varnished monkey!"
by Jamie Douglas September 06, 2006
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Fuzzy Monkey

A sexual position in which the man hangs from a tree upside down by his dick, while being sucked off by an entity (preferably a monkey)in the tree and also eating out a female on the ground level.
"God, my ex-gf was sooooo boring she wouldn't do a fuzzy monkey with me!"
by bitchbag42069696969 February 23, 2019
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Grating the monkey

When one engages the act of Masturbation
Richard walked in on James Grating the monkey
by Misfiit March 21, 2011
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Monkey Crusher

Don't forget to pickup a Monkey Crusher at the BP gas station.
by 8250 February 03, 2010
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Fez Monkey

The highest level of being, the highest point of evolution. Only a select few ever make it to this.
The Fez Monkey is infinitely more advanced than the normal homo sapien.
by Shouryu Nanase March 02, 2004
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fen monkey

Inbred under evolved East Anglian local people - more like a monkey than a human. East Anglia is statistically the most inbred area in the British Isles. It's residents are scared of the outside world, never venturing further than the local McDonalds. They mostly marry their cousins. The small gene pool produces monkey faced locals that inbreed frequently creating more monkey faced knuckle dragging kids. Despite their tribal existence they have no pride in East Anglia and moan all the time about how shit it is to live there - on this point they are correct but they are the problem.
Peterborough, Wisbech, Whittlesey are just some of examples of the local towns whose uneducated fen monkey residents are so insular that they are inherently rascist and bigoted. They persecute migrant workers that have settled in their towns to do all the jobs that they don't want to do or are incapable of doing. What these East Anglian retards don't realise is that they have no culture of their own whatsoever. The alpha males in Peterborough like nothing more than a rascist chant to support their local piss poor football team and then a jeering stand off with the away fans in the car park afterwards. They are actually a bunch of fucking cowards though. The minute it looks like one of them might get hit, they run back to the cover of the bushes and their vauxhall astras.

They should welcome the influx of hardworking foreigners as they just may create some cultural diversity and boost the gene pool that might make East Anglia a bareable place to live.
by 9 - 5 pacifist September 28, 2007
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Monkey Toss

To jizz in your own hand and throw it across the room... preferably toward a small, easily scared animal outside your window.
With the quickness only an expert monkey tosser can have, Gary quickly rubbed one out and chucked it across the lawn at the neighbors dachshund.
by Rock Hardy August 16, 2007
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