subatomic computer

A machine specially a computer that completes tasks while being no bigger than a cell in size.

subatomic computers are not quantum computers, it is the size differences in which they perform.

by 1m1m0 September 23, 2022

Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center

In the portal games the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center is a large area in the Aperture Science facility in which many main test chambers are located, and where most of the testing involving portal guns and such takes place. Chell wakes up here in the first portal game.

“Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. We hope your brief detention in the Relaxation Vault has been a pleasant one.

Your specimen has been processed and we are now ready to begin the test proper. Before we start, however, keep in mind that although fun and learning are the primary goals of all Enrichment Center activities, serious injuries may occur.

For your own safety, and the safety of others, please refrain from touching bzzzzzt

Por favor bordon de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias

stand back. The portal will open in three. Two. One.”

by Hitmantheman January 31, 2024

Sitting on the computer for an hour

what dad's say you have been doing when it really has been one minute

Me: I am going to play the computer
Mom: okay
Dad: *gets home from work
also dad: *instantly yells swears at me about how i have been sitting on the computer for an hour until I cry.

by Dramat1c November 2, 2020

Thinking should be like a super computer fast

Thinking should be like a super computer fast

Thinking should be like a super computer fast

by Real Alberto July 17, 2022

Spacetime-Probability Computer

A hypothetical computing device that operates across the five-dimensional manifold of space, time, and probability, accessing information from all possible realities simultaneously. Such a computer doesn't calculate answers—it observes them from branches where they're already known. Need to know the outcome of an election? The spacetime-probability computer queries the branch where it already happened. Want to know if your crush likes you? It checks the branch where you already asked. The challenge is that the answers are contradictory—in some branches yes, in some no, in some you never asked. The computer returns all of them, leaving you with the same uncertainty you started with, plus existential dread about all the versions of yourself living different lives.

*Example: "She asked her spacetime-probability computer if she'd ever find love. The computer displayed an infinite list: 'Yes, in 3,472,891 branches; No, in 5,218,433 branches; Already have, in 892 branches (you just haven't realized it yet); Love is a social construct, in 1,203,847 branches; Stop asking me, in 4,392 branches.' She turned it off and decided to live in uncertainty, which was where she'd been all along."*

by AbzuInExile February 16, 2026

A computer can't function without an operating system

A total lie usually mentioned in computer textbooks when talking about operating systems. Older computers sometimes do not have an operating system, so this is totally a lie because these computers can still function. Also, even modern computers can make use of the Basic Input Output System (BIOS) to do some basic tasks such as viewing and changing the date.

School textbooks: "A computer can't function without an operating system!"
1930s computer operator: "wtf is that"

by 48GI5N32D3D November 26, 2023

Master And Slave (the peripherals and accessories of computer electronics)

What I call homo-sapiens addicted to abscesses

Person 1: Are you addicted to abscesses?
Person 2: Yes.
Person 1: Master And Slave (the peripherals and accessories of computer electronics)

by LeSouffleDeVersailles January 21, 2025