Masturbating Monkey

When a monkey in the forest or at the zoo get's a erection and grabs his penis and starts to jack off like a car piston and starts shooting sperm all over the place, then he goes "HOOO OHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH HOO HO HOO!!!!" when the male monkey starts to think oh the female monkeys. and sperm starts to land on you and you child.
Child: mommy, WTF IS THAT BLACK MONKEY DOING?!?
Mom: Don't be racist!!! He's just a masturbating monkey

Doctor: hey Steve, that monkey seems to be masturbating?
Steve: I think he is, we should test his heart rate to make sure it's safe for the masturbating monkey.
Steve: ok... WHAT?! IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!
by theaveragejoe33 October 26, 2010
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monkey fetish

Someone who hangs upside down and Jack's off and nuts in their own mouth. Especially at kids playgrounds.
Frank I just saw someone monkey fetishizing at the park.
by Dallas cowboys fuck kids March 09, 2019
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dice monkey

A derogatory term for a person who wins a strategy game thanks to abnormally good die rolls instead of good strategy. The idea is that the person's ability to play the game is no better than that of a monkey who is trained to roll the dice on cue.
"That's the worst strategy I've ever seen, but this dice monkey keeps rolling high."
by Scott Forster July 16, 2005
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Monkey Trumpets

used to express extreme disapointment in a situation...
ted- hey bill did you know our physics final is tomorrow?

bill- Oh monkey trumpets! I forgot!
by -PRIZM- January 18, 2008
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web monkey

Overworked web producers who make frequent grammar errors.
Those web monkeys at mlsnet.com are always dangling participles.
by Yizhak Finkelstein January 15, 2009
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screwed monkey

An alcoholic drink made by drinking a 40 of malt liquor down to the top of the label, then pouring in vodka and orange juice (a screwdriver) til it is completely full. Very delicious.
I only drank one screwed monkey and I was messed up for the entire night.
by Drinkmaster January 18, 2006
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monkey lovin

i just got me sum some good (monkey lovin)
by nevaj January 07, 2008
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