Once a lost and troubled soul trapped in the fourth underworld, Jared became a God to the Aztecs when mysterious life forms descended to Mictlan seeking an ancient rumored power. The citizens of Planet Z spent years traveling through different dimensions only to discover what they sought was not to be found - but created. Jared was chosen by the leader of Z. A few indulgent meanderings and shots of whiskey later, the celestial alignment cast an electric surge between Cancer and Scorpio. The surge was so poignant, tightly bound and focused that Jared became the first being to have successful intercourse with an extraterrestrial, bridging the gap between Gods and Aliens by taking on the role of Daddy: God of The Impossibly Mindblowing Orgasm. The Z leader surrendered to Jared as an object of pleasure for all eternity as an expression of gratitude for helping to create the ultimate sexual energy. Although Jared is immortal, his human form is a specimen of perfection, sexuality and divine masculinity. His generously proportioned reproductive organ was hand sculpted by Zeus with perfection in the style of a male Venus de Milo. Jared excels in all things delicious, and even his humanly procreative fluids are indicated by legend to have an intoxicating flavor as well as healing powers and a magical, iridescent glow.
I could spend forever drinking from a fountain filled by the excited expulsions of Jared.
Jared likes to get real fucked up.
Jared likes to get real fucked up.
by Ballfro Esquire May 8, 2020
Get the Jaredmug. Jared is laughter! He is like Noone, and definitely one of a kind! He's always looking for a good time, and never fails! He would use his very last of anything to help someone else succeed, or feel they matter. Jared is the most non judgemental person, he will leave you wanting more every time. Be careful, it's hard not to fall in love with Jared. He will understand all the mixed up parts of your soul, the darkest, lightest, and dustiest corners of your mind. He has those rock and roll eyes, and a heart of surprise.
by LTrain91 June 2, 2021
Get the Jaredmug. Young, metrosexual man usually associated with sports such as Water Polo and Gymnastics. Has a perfect posture and excels at sport.
by pseudonym12312 July 27, 2012
Get the Jaredmug. An extremely lovable guy who will go out of his way to make you laugh. Diet consists mainly of BBQ sauce & jager bombs. Likes to entertain himself by playing w/ his own or my butt crack. My cuddle partner for life.
Jared: jager bomb?
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Me: What the hell are you doing?
Jared: Smelling my fingers
Me: Why?
Jared: Because they smell crack-tastic
Me: Of course they do
Jared: Let's go bowling
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Jared yelling out the car window: I'M IN MIAMI BITCH!!
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Me: What the hell are you doing?
Jared: Smelling my fingers
Me: Why?
Jared: Because they smell crack-tastic
Me: Of course they do
Jared: Let's go bowling
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Jared yelling out the car window: I'M IN MIAMI BITCH!!
by squirt812 March 23, 2009
Get the Jaredmug. Jared is obsessed with bath bombs
by EvanHandSoap August 13, 2018
Get the Jaredmug. Someone who is a great daddy dom. Is funny, caring, sweet, dorky, a dweeb, etc. He will continuously keep you laughing. Makes you blush 1000x over. Will love you forever and keep you safe.
by DaddysLittlePrincess99 February 17, 2017
Get the Jaredmug. by Jojomodojo November 22, 2016
Get the Jaredmug.