jesus goggles 

If you say that someone is wearing Jesus goggles, you mean that that person has been so on fire for God that they think someone is more sexually attractive because they too have the same level of passion for Jesus instilled in their heart:

"How did you manage to get such a beautiful girlfriend when you look how you do?"
"Brah pls- Jesus is my wingman"

""Why is she dating him, he ain't fly"
"Ahh man homie, she must have her jesus goggles on tiggggghhhtttt"
"Ahmen to that"
"Mmmmhmmm"

jesus goggles by uj6tyjhvj March 29, 2015

jesus seam 

The Jesus seam is the vertical hemispherical ridge across a man's testicles implying this is where God welded or stitched him together.

I got kicked right in the balls so hard I thought I split my Jesus seam.

jesus seam by Sicrowell May 19, 2016

Jesus Jinx January 

Little know the legend of JESUS JINX! When Jesus was bron, he said JINX BIATCH so loud that the whole planet shaked like a boner. This is why Ravens are black as a black dick. IN order to not become like a black dick you have to say JESUS JINX BIATCH every silent moment of January (like when you sleep or are at school)

Hey man, you know you should never say?
What dude?
JESUS JINX BIATCH!
(This is why little Jonesy got detention and killed himself)
This is why you HAVE to say JESUS JINX BIATCH even in school or in a funeral!
Jesus jinx January kids!

Jesus Jinx January by Jesus( The one who said JINX) November 30, 2018

Jesus Health Bar 

The health bar that appeared in the sky on January 1st, 2020, labeled “Jesus.”

“Holy shoot, we have to fight Jesus‽”
“Holy shoot is right.”
“Shut the frick up. I need to fully process the Jesus Health Bar situation.”

Jesus Health Bar by Mr. Twinkieface January 1, 2021

jesus fetish 

1. a simp for Jesus, very Catholic maybe too much. Probably very overbearing to talk to.

2. If you have such a fetish, why and please consider seeing a psychiatrist, you sick fuck.

Son: Father, I think I've developed a fetish for our only Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Father: It's great to hear that you have faith in God no-, Wait what?

Son: A Jesus fetish, Father!

Father: What the fuck is wrong with you? Get the fuck out of my house, you're not my son anymore I'm disowning you.

jesus fetish by Kazariiiiiiiiiiii-chan July 2, 2022

Jesus riding a dinosaur

A phrase used in IRC and internet message-boards, especially gaming boards, to respond to news that's old or outdated. Variations include "Jesus rides by on a dinosaur" or "Jesus waves from his dinosaur." The exact phrase isn't as important as the image itself.

See also: "walking with the dinosaurs"

1st Post: Whoa, they're making a "Doom" movie!

2nd Post: *Jesus rides by on a dinosaur*

Jesus riding a dinosaur by Demon-Fighter Ash May 10, 2005

Jesus Downhill 

Skiing downhill without turns or other means of slowing down with your arms outstretched to the side like Jesus on the cross. Once you've made it down the hill, your buds will tell you that you are blessed to have made it down without killing yourself and you celebrate with communion by taking a shot of a preferred liquor and a cracker. Then you go back up and do it all over again.

Let's do a Jesus Downhill on that double black diamond run.

Jesus Downhill by MachHeat April 3, 2010