figurative dick 

If someone has the figurative dick in their mouth, it means the more that they talk the less enjoyable your life is; just as the more someone giving a blowjob talks, the less enjoyable it is.

That Max kid is so annoying, he has the figurative dick in his mouth all day.

figurative dick by tripleski6 April 25, 2010

Figurative language 

Funny words which mean you're saying something you don't literally mean.

English teachers like to give you nice terms like "Figurative language". It's just useless new names for things you already know.

Figurative language by Mystery Man January 28, 2003

Figurative Butt-hole 

(noun) An anus which does not actually exist in the real world, but is often subjected to abuse.

Man, after getting raped by the physics test, my figurative butt-hole is sooo loose

Figurative Butt-hole by TransPM May 3, 2012

Figurative truth 

A statement, or label which is true, but only within it's non-literal context.

Two very close friends "adopt" each other as sibling, identifying as such. At one's graduation the other declares, "That's my sister!" A figurative truth.

Figurative truth by Godricide February 1, 2014

figuratively 

What everybody means when they say "literally".

-Dude, I literally had smoke coming out of my ears!

-Really? Don't you mean you figuratively had smoke coming out of your ears, or did you really have smoke leaking out of your earholes?

figuratively by Built2Spill November 17, 2004

Fuck Me Figuratively Up The Ass

An exclamation of extreme shock and disbelief, whether at an event or a sight being witnessed.

Can also be used when you discover someone has been fucking you over.

Person 1: Holy shit! What the hell is that person doing?
Person 2: Well, fuck me figuratively up the ass, they're raping a dog.

Person 1: You have a date with Sally? You know, she has a boyfriend.
Person 2: Fuck me figuratively up the ass! Three months and she never said anything!

Fuck Me Figuratively Up The Ass by ElectroSophie March 28, 2009

liguratively 

For those rare moments when your torn between using literally or figuratively.

You ate all the cheese! I'm so angry at you right now I liguratively want to strangle you.

liguratively by The Satanic Demons August 1, 2019