An Asian, high-waisted, tall child with feminine hips that tries to keep burning the candle at both ends while listening to "What's New Pussycat" on repeat. His life was forever changed when he went, "Oooooooohhhhhhhhh," and, "I'm sorry!" Overall, he is the tall, lanky Irishman that got pushed by a homeless, gay, AIDS-full man, looks like his kindergarten portrait with baggy eyes and yellowed teeth, and gets confused with a woman a shit ton.

John Mulaney: I'm standing in the basement and I'm holding a red cup - you see in movies - and I'm standing there and I'm holding a red cup and I'm starting to black out and I guess someone said like, "Something, something, police," and in a brilliant moment of word association, I yelled, "FUCK da police! FUCK da police," and everyone else joined in: 100 drunk, white children yelling, "Fuck 'da' police," with the confidence of guys that have like already been to jail and aren't afraid of it anymore. You know that, like "I served my nickel! You come and take me!" confidence, but white children.

John Mulaney by MastermindOfTrouble February 29, 2020

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John Mulaney

A high-waisted man with feminine hips who enjoys listening to "What's New Pussycat" on repeat.

Diner Guest 1: Did you see that little asshole John Mulaney who put Whats New Pussycat on the Jukebox 21 times?

Diner Guest 2: At least they put in "It's Not Unusual"!

John Mulaney by MotharChod June 13, 2018

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