commentatard 

The person who tries to be the first one commenting on any given post or thread. Having nothing worthwhile to add to any conversation, such tards make themselves feel better by simply being first.
They usually stop being a tard once they've accomplished the more difficult task of peeing in the toilet like a big kid.

Man: "Listen to this. According to this internet article science has found a cure for cancer and the only comment anyone made was "First!"

Wife: "What a commentatard.

commentatard by Jing123456 November 22, 2011

Commentators curse

When a commentator of a sport or other competitive event praises a team or player and then that team/player soon after has something bad happen to them (concede points, injury etc.)

Commentator: Team A is looking really good this half, Team B just can't break their defense.
*Team B immediately breaks the line of defense and scores*
Team A fan: God damn it, why did he have to apply the commentators curse?

Commentators curse by Inlaidflyer2 April 30, 2015

food commentator 

a person who feels the need to comment on every single fucking thing they eat. especially breakfast foods. it is like they are leaving verbal yelp reviews that nobody wants to fucking hear everytime they eat.

jillian: *goes to eat ihop with lindsay*
lindsay: " mmmm these pancakes are so good mmm yes yum"
jilllian: shut the fuck up

geez, carol is such a food commentator, I swear I can't make it through a single meal without her telling me how she feels about the food

food commentator by wafflewomen October 28, 2019

Couch Commentator 

A person who won't shut the fuck up when you're watching a show, sporting event or a movie, and has to comment about everything (especially political ads). Will also comment about how people look on tv.

I'd really enjoy this tv show more, if the couch commentator would just shut the fuck up.

Couch Commentator by beatboxbill September 12, 2021

commentard 

A person posting in an online forum in a way which is stupid, for example by exposing himself or herself to disciplinary or legal action by making offensive or libeleous comments.

Typically the commentard will try to be anonymous but reveal himself through logged IP adresses that resolve back to his employer or by otherwise inadvertently giving out identifying information.

''A commentard using the handle Scrutineer tore into research that demonstrated how it might be possible to make a PIN authorised transaction'' - The Register

''Colorado man faces jail for being a commentard'' - J.P. Weichel - Gawker

commentard by Morthandeus February 24, 2010

Commentardy 

The official description of the poor person who comes up with the perfect comeback ... about 6 hours too late.

Guy A - Hey spazoid, have you seen my tape measure?

Guy B - No

(6 hours lapses)

Guy B - I'm so commentardy! I should have said "Yeah, your mom brought it to my house last night to measure how big a real man is." That would've been awesome.

Commentardy by smeleigh July 21, 2007

Commentator 

The asshole that decides it is necessary to tell you when something scary, important, or funny is about to happen in a movie.

Dude1- Ah man this part is awesome.

Dude2- Shut the hell up and stop being a fucking commentator.

Commentator by ToferKnolio July 27, 2011