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Free Range Yard Ape 

Similar to the traditional Yard Ape however this subspecies is typically let free of the bounds of a fenced yard (while still chained to others of the species) and allowed to perform menial tasks about the plantation.

When in free range mode, local liquor stores must be kept under close watch as this species has a predisposition for robbery, usually around the time child support payments are due.

In order to maintain a high level of energy Free Range Yard Apes will typically seek out - chickamelon, 40 oz. malt beverages, all manner of fried chicken, watermelon, collard greens, hogmall, and red drink.
Free Range Yard Ape >> "Heyz mista plantation owner, Ize a really likin' bein' a free range yard ape, but Ize ain't liking the work."

Plantation Owner >> (While whipping Free Range Yard Ape) You want less work? Maybe after I work your ass over with the whip you will appreciate being a Free Range Yard Ape!

Free Range Yard Ape >> Yes massa'!
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Fogey/fogy /fougi/ sl. (early 18C+, orig. Scot) old-fashioned, stuck-in-the mud.
Person with old fashioned ideas which he is unwilling to change: Come to the disco and stop being such an old fogey!
You think me an old fogeyand an old tory, his thoughtful voice said. I saw three generations since O’Connel’s time. I remember the famine. Do you know that the orange lodges agitated for repeal of the union twenty years before O’Connel did or before the prelates of your communion denounced him as a demagogue? You fenians forget some things. (James Joyce, Ulysses. Penguin Books,1992. p. 38)
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church hurt 

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honkin by R. LaJoy December 26, 2005
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