Today’s Mass Shooting 

A term now commonly used to refer to a particular mass shooting in the United States since there is another one occurring every day.

“Today’s Mass Shooting” works well for our newspaper; we just keep recycling this term with each subsequent mass shooting.

Today’s Mass Shooting by Dr Bunnygirl August 3, 2019

Today you, tomorrow me

From the spanish "hoy por tí, mañana por yo", it is used to "justify"acts of kindness toward strangers.

Thanks for helping me with my flat tire. Please accept this $50 as a token of my gratitude.
No need. Today you, tomorrow me

Today you, tomorrow me by Rahxephon000 December 22, 2010

Today on “Heapass is Aclamationable,” Heapass aclamations definitions. 

Aclamationable (adj)-
Making shit up.

Aclamations (v)-
Makes shit up.

Burgeon (v)-
To, *inhale* one who burgeons, in the fieeeld. One who, likes to burgeon, themselves. To, *pause* burgeon, shush. Burgeon...

“Today on “Heapass is Aclamationable,” Heapass aclamations definitions.” is a wonderful show that doesn’t exist.

Today on “Heapass is Aclamationable,” Heapass aclamations definitions. by I just want to make cups January 20, 2021

today's day 

The day that today is.

Dang bro did you know today's day is 26? that's crazy bro

today's day by yaboidegoi October 9, 2021

Today Tonight

An Australian current affairs program aired on Channel 7 for people who like to see the latest goss of Dancing With the Stars and weight loss stories.

I was watching Today Tonight tonight, they unsurprisingly had yet another story on weight loss.

Today Tonight by fuckinqueenslander October 20, 2008

Today Tonight

A show which is shown on channel 7 in Australia. Basically, its end goals are to make children, teenagers and the unemployed feel bad about themselves, and to make the middle class Australian angry about such things.

Today Tonight, get fucked you sensationalist pigs!

Today Tonight by You don't need to know my name. April 18, 2005

Today years old 

Phrase used by those who got by in school with C's and refuse to properly refer to how old they are/were.

I was today years old when I found out that the straw holes in Capri Suns are also the dot on the i, why didn't school teach me this????????

Today years old by Ani_Mike June 2, 2019