Sherlock's Paradox 

Sherlock's Paradox is a paradox discovered by the iconographic detective Sherlock Holmes in a scene from a set of unpublished notes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. The notes were put of for auction in 1988 by Conan Doyle's grandson to benefit NORML.

In the unpublished scene, Holmes and his trusted companion Dr. Watson are sharing a pipe while in Arabia. The bulk of the conversation revolves around the pipe being made of glass and employing "... a devilishly clever construction by which the pungent smoke is filtered through water ...". Hence the term sherlock for the type of water pipe which resembles the regular pipe of Sherlock Holmes.

The paradox originates in a comment where Holmes remarks that the pipe's bowl is always better packed, but the "... most pleasurable of all leisure lies in the exquisite emptying of the bowl." Watson remarks that logically his statement implies that the bowl is always better packed, yet must always be in the process of being smoked. Therefore, if one is to truly enjoy themselves they must remain smoking the "bowl" indefinitely.

Andrew: Yo man, what happened to you last night? You never came by my place?

Aki: Dude I got so ripped ... got caught up in Sherlock's Paradox with these ill headies and a box of Twizzlers.

Andrew: Damn ... you got any left? I got a dutch!

Aki: Nah man ... aw, shit.

Sherlock's Paradox by M.T. Lintershmidt September 20, 2009

Complainer's Paradox 

While something may be terribly annoying, listening to someone complaining about that thing is always worse.

Alternatively: The only thing more annoying than (x) is someone who can't stop complaining about (x).

Andy: I hate this snow! I'd rather live in Iraq than in this terrible weather!
Bill: Shut up.
Andy: Why? You hate snow as much as I do!
Bill: Yeah, but listening to you whine is worse. Complainer's Paradox.
Andy: Oh, I'm sorry.

Complainer's Paradox by narthuro March 20, 2011

Detweiler's Paradox 

To genuinely accept a future negative outcome as fact only to be proven wrong.

"I did nothing to ensure I was going to pass this test. I should have failed. Another instance of Detweiler's Paradox in action."

Detweiler's Paradox by @gabek December 22, 2008

pussy-licker's paradox 

When your sexual partner establishes that receiving head is a catch-all solution to their personal problems, and you give them so much head that it causes them to feel guilty. However, guilt is a personal problem, which can therefore be solved with more head. Thus, the pussy-licker's paradox.

"She felt felt bad because I was eating her out more than she was going down on me, so I ate her out to make her feel better"

"Aw dude, sounds like you encountered the pussy-licker's paradox!"

pussy-licker's paradox by Cunningle January 16, 2023

Hunter's Paradox 

The state whereby the resolution of a problem is impeded by the problem itself.

I can't figure out how to make the coffee machine work because I haven't had a coffee yet! Damn you, Hunter's Paradox!

Hunter's Paradox by ratinox August 19, 2010

Blanchard's Paradox 

The dilemma that all autogynephilic men must confront: stay a man and remain sexually unfulfilled on account of not being a woman; or become a woman and remain sexually unfulfilled on account of all the hormone therapy nuking your sex drive.

I honestly don't know whether to troon out or not: how will I fap to not having a dick any more if I don't have a dick? It's Blanchard's Paradox all over.

Blanchard's Paradox by muggsymoon May 8, 2022

Zeno's Paradox 

A paradox in applied philosophy analogous to Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle.

Tenet 1 - Advice or information taken from Zeno at face value will always be wrong.

Tenet 2- Investigation or contestation of any information taken from Zeno will always show it to be correct.

Corollary to Tenet 2- When such a contest is resolved in Zeno's favor (as it always will be) the contesting party will be severely mocked.

Therefore, interaction with Zeno will always result in the interacting party coming away wronged or mocked.

A bargain leather jacket was purchased on the basis of Zeno's insistence that it was real leather. As it turned out, it was not real leather. Forty dollars was lost when a hot fork punctured a whole in it.

But mocking ensued when, despite everyone's doubts and harangues, Zeno's method for estimating hourly television power costs turned out to be completely correct.

According to Tenet 1 of the paradox, if the leather jacket had not been purchased, it would in fact have been real leather.

According to Tenet 2 of the paradox, if Zeno's method for power estimation had not been knocked, the estimates it provided would have been grossly erroneous.

Zeno's Paradox by Piggus McKenzie November 18, 2004