Yahweh
The traditional Hebrew name for the Judeo-Christian god from the Jewish Torah and the Old Testament of the Christian bible.
While superficially glorified by scripture, he can be characterized by his actions as one of the most supremely douchy characters in all of western literature and theology. A few of his more characteristic actions were the demand for genocide by his followers, the demand for his followers to kill their own children, the encouragement of slavery and subjugation of women, the demand that his followers must simultaneously love and fear him, and psychotic bets made with the devil (whom he never could be bothered to kill) at the expense of his creations. Once, in a dick move of the highest order, he murdered the entire population of the earth with a massive flood because he was pissed off at them for being exactly the way he made them. It should also be noted that while supposedly omnipotent, the character demonstrates an extremely neurotic personality (leading some theologians to conclude he had a Jewish mother). This personality can be demonstrated by his obsession with the worship and adoration of others. Today, one might think it slightly pathetic for a creator to seek validation of his own superiority from his creations, but apparently this idea never occurred to him (despite his theoretically infinite intelligence and wisdom). For all of these reasons and more we can think of him simply as a dick hole of (quite literally) biblical proportions.
While superficially glorified by scripture, he can be characterized by his actions as one of the most supremely douchy characters in all of western literature and theology. A few of his more characteristic actions were the demand for genocide by his followers, the demand for his followers to kill their own children, the encouragement of slavery and subjugation of women, the demand that his followers must simultaneously love and fear him, and psychotic bets made with the devil (whom he never could be bothered to kill) at the expense of his creations. Once, in a dick move of the highest order, he murdered the entire population of the earth with a massive flood because he was pissed off at them for being exactly the way he made them. It should also be noted that while supposedly omnipotent, the character demonstrates an extremely neurotic personality (leading some theologians to conclude he had a Jewish mother). This personality can be demonstrated by his obsession with the worship and adoration of others. Today, one might think it slightly pathetic for a creator to seek validation of his own superiority from his creations, but apparently this idea never occurred to him (despite his theoretically infinite intelligence and wisdom). For all of these reasons and more we can think of him simply as a dick hole of (quite literally) biblical proportions.
Praying man: "Blessed God, full of Grace"...
Heckler: "What God you praying to there friend? Wouldn't happen to be Yahweh, would it?"
Praying man: "Yeah, do you mind?"
Heckler: "No, all the same to me. But you do know he is a mass-murdering psychotic dictator, right?"
Praying Man: "That's not true, he loves us!"
Heckler: "Like a rapist loves his victims maybe..."
Heckler: "What God you praying to there friend? Wouldn't happen to be Yahweh, would it?"
Praying man: "Yeah, do you mind?"
Heckler: "No, all the same to me. But you do know he is a mass-murdering psychotic dictator, right?"
Praying Man: "That's not true, he loves us!"
Heckler: "Like a rapist loves his victims maybe..."
Yahweh by The Pseudo-Saint October 5, 2010
Get the Yahweh mug.