The bible 

so its like any of the marvel movies there science fiction so like jesus like fuck that guy hes soooooo gay like who cares about the blind people like just let them fall off a cliff like they wont have a good life anyways and like moses ur gay but ur stick lowkey lit like its just like i want this ocean split in half welp why not fuck it

Billy :do you know any good fictional fake books Ron : ya the bible

The bible by nigga on a trigga June 7, 2019

The Bible 

The single most common source for chewy joint rolling papers.

I rolled hella joints with Romans 14:2 from the Bible.

The Bible by Powderhead May 28, 2007

the bible 

A fictional compilation of several stories about God, and his many, many slaves on the planet we like to call earth.

God: "Woop! I exist! Spread the word."
Jesus: "Aww, but Dad..."
God: "No buts, just DO IT!"
Jesus: "Fine. Whatever..."

And so it came to pass that Jesus did make up a whole load of shit just to please his old man, and thus the Bible was born. Amen.

the bible by catch22 October 19, 2007

The bible 

A religious text. Whether or not it’s fictional or non fictional is... up to you.

Lots of people like to throw it up at others in an attempt to ground their own bigoted beliefs, usually flipping to one page and then claiming it as evidence of something when really, it’s just a bunch of words made for a religion. Can you try not to, I don’t know, not attempt to weaponize religion? Who knows what you’ll get up to after cyberbullying children for liking the same gender.

Of course, not every Christian is like this, and assuming they all are is only stooping down to the worst ones’ levels. Assume the best out of everyone and you may just teach someone a valuable lesson ^^

Religious asshole: the Holy Lord God has said that passing your own body to others for sex is a sin and you’re going to go to hell; Asexuality is a sin because you cannot have any children according to Jesus; gayness is illegal according to some random quote from some random guy; all of this is in the Bible therefore I am correct

Decent person with common sense, religious or not religious: The Bible is a book, not a wikia. Jesus was asexual. His best friend was a prostitute. The whole “man shall not lay with boy” is, in fact, against pedophilia, and not against homosexuality. Of course, since you’re a “devout Christian”, you likely already knew this, right? Considering you probably read through the whole thing and all. I hope you have, otherwise who knows? You might wake up tomorrow morning with the room a little hotter than it was the night before.

The bible by Some Friendly Gay Loser January 3, 2021

The Bible 

The funniest comedy of the millennium, due to the ridiculous actions, thought processes, and mindsets and beliefs held by the main character, God, and the absurdist nature of the events that happen throughout the story.

Person 1: Did you read the Bible today?
Person 2: *recalls Exodus 4:24-26 and other funny verses*

Also Person 2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Person 2 Yet Again: Yeah, it was hilarious.
Person 1: Funniest thing I've ever read.

The Bible by Alex Zer0 March 10, 2021

the bible 

the biggest work of fiction whose genre is fantasy.
Due to its content it is easily comparable to other books such as harry potter

hey, have you read the harry potter books?
no they don't interest me, the bible has more made up stuff that is clearly fictional and untrue.

the bible by farran February 25, 2008

The Bible 

A long ass paragraph that has to do with something extremely simple.

"Yeah, I'm not about to read a reply that is literally the bible on a comment that was a joke."

The Bible by SmithJacks September 15, 2020