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Goo Gone 

A product that actually EXISTS. Not just for removing semen from keyboards as LHSraiders mentioned back in 2010.
I accidentally spilled a puddle of candle wax all over my desk, so I sprayed some Goo Gone on it, and it came off easily.
Goo Gone by Yoshi128k July 27, 2021

gloved-up goo-gone handjob

When the gloves need to come _on_, and things get dirty, it's no time for half measures. Best to bring out the big guns right off, get them thick 7mil gloves on, an anointal squirt of goo-gone in nitrile-gloved hand, we then begin the "cleaning" process, vigorously stroking back and forth over the length, agitating with pumice grit for added friction, a passionate fervor, and potent concoction of solvents, we grip firmly and to ensure the _entire_ length is coated, covered, and cared for properly. ;)

Always best to go full-bore, no half-assin! Now get them gloves on...
God, look at the gunk on that motherfucker, that poor thing needs some TLC and a good gloved-up goo-gone handjob, and maybe a miracle...

gloved-up goo-gone handjob

When the gloves need to come _on_, and things get dirty, it's no time for half measures. Best to bring out the big guns right off, get them thick 7mil gloves on, an anointal squirt of goo-gone in nitrile-gloved hand, we then begin the "cleaning" process, vigorously stroking back and forth over the length, agitating with pumice grit for added friction, a passionate fervor, and potent concoction of solvents, we grip firmly and to ensure the _entire_ length is coated, covered, and cared for properly. ;)

Always best to go full-bore, no half-assin! Now get them gloves on...
God, look at the gunk on that motherfucker, that poor thing needs some TLC and a good gloved-up goo-gone handjob, and maybe a miracle...