Application Support Analyst 

This is an individual that will deal primarily with anything the client is too lazy to figure out on their own. He will attempt to find out, through testing and research (RTFM), if the clients issue is a bug. Most common cause is lazy, under trained clients that process transactions incorrectly and don’t know why they are incorrect. He will also be called on to participate in client calls that the CSM’s can’t handle on their own, QA work, training, implementation, writing knowledge base articles, writing up bugs and anything else that the rest of the company does not want to do. These individuals can be found in the break room during a 3 hr lunch; watching “Rock of Love”, playing Wii and getting a massage. If they are “working” at their desks; listen for individuals screaming “not it” when client calls come in. They are also known to be utterly useless on Fridays; commonly smelling of hops and barely. If you encounter one of these individuals make sure to not make eye contact, ask for any help or seem happy for any reason; as they have been known to completely destroy other people via IM

Client: Hi, I am having a problem with my software can you help?
Application Support Analyst: Are you a client? If so, enter a ticket and I will get to it when you are considered a high priority client.
Client: How do I do that?
Application Support Analyst: Your manager has to call and bitch more to my manager.

Application Support Analyst by Miles Mayhem May 8, 2008