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Even I don’t know who to root for

What you say when caught in the middle between 2 of your enemies/unpleasant problems personified as people

When you don’t know what’s worse or better in a situation determinate of 2 or more parties
*uncle and stepdad fighting over who’s going to Molest the 14 yr old daughter

Daughter: tf ?

God: even i don’t know who to root for

wouldn't root her for practice

A saying used when a person finds a particular individual or individuals less than desirable in a sexual sense.
Male 1: Britney Spears is such a spunk.
Male 2: I wouldn't root her for practice.

Also for more than one person....

Girlfriend: Don't you think the chicks on Sex and the City are hot?
Boyfriend: I wouldn't root them for practice.
Girlfriend: Awww that's so sweet. Let's have a root now.

King for Root 

When a red headed man with a thousand yard stare, let’s call him ‘James’ for this hypothetical example, is touched inappropriately by an indirect family member
Long time no see my beautiful nephew, how about some king for root?