What you might find in your horoscope:
"You are somewhat tall"
"You
will meet someone today and they
will seem nice"
What you will not find in your horoscope:
"Today you
will find out you are adopted, if not today then it is only a matter of time. Seriously, you look nothing like your so-called "parents." You
will also lose your job, and an unspecified limb."
"Men in masks
will break in to your home and force you to play trivial pursuit, the fact that they seem to get all the easy questions will irk you. Make ready, you will soon be called upon to defend the entire species from certain destruction."