The odds that a Mexican will ever be president of the United States. Not to be confused with Juan to Juan: the odds that if a Mexican is elected president, he will be named Juan.
Pedro: Hooray! Did you hear the news?
Hector: Si, Juan Alvarez is the new President Elect!
Pedro: Si, it was a-million-to-Juan shot!
Hector: Si!
Hector: Si, Juan Alvarez is the new President Elect!
Pedro: Si, it was a-million-to-Juan shot!
Hector: Si!
by tedwilli9 December 09, 2008
Get the A-million-to-Juan mug.When the media (mainly television) will report non-stop about "sad" events such as Darfur, AIDS, people dying of the Swine Flu, a teenager's dying last wish fulfilled, philantropy of billionaires, athletes visiting cancer wards and later playing that night through the anguish, Brett Favre's Monday Night Football game after his father died, people losing their homes and Jimmy Carter's response to it, "Where's Caylee," a man or woman who used to make six figures working at Fridays, 9/11 (and anything 9/11 related) and other lugubrious moments that are recycled for the purpose of jerking our tears and jolting the ratings of the networks.
KELLY: Did you see Nancy Grace last night? A baby was raped, a couple lost their home, Bill Gates donated 1 billion to Darfu, another baby was raped, Derek Jeter gave a random baseball to an 8-year old with an inoperable brain tumor, 9/11, 9/11, economy hurt people, baby raped again.
KEVIN: Yes, it's called Sad Nauseum.
KELLY: Is that kind of like when a baby is raped?
KEVIN: No. No it isn't.
KEVIN: Yes, it's called Sad Nauseum.
KELLY: Is that kind of like when a baby is raped?
KEVIN: No. No it isn't.
by tedwilli9 June 21, 2009
Get the Sad Nauseum mug.Like the Black Market, only all the illegal items you will ever need come from your fellow inmate's asshole. Hence, brown.
Guard Falzone: Listen, just tell us where you got the melon baller.
Prisoner: (sigh) Jerry's asshole.
Guard Falzone: You mean...?
Prisoner: Yup, The Brown Market.
Prisoner: (sigh) Jerry's asshole.
Guard Falzone: You mean...?
Prisoner: Yup, The Brown Market.
by tedwilli9 October 17, 2008
Get the The Brown Market mug.Capitalizing on unique shopping prospects, which goes hand in hand with finding premium parking (if there's no valet services) for optimum effect.
Mr. Jenkins: It says here on your resume that you're quite shopportunistic? I don't understand.
David: Just the other day I bought seasons 2 and 3 of Walker: Texas Ranger and because of my bangin' parking spot I avoided the horrendous downpour, which also meant I didn't have to change when I got home so I could watch my DVDs right away.
Mr. Jenkins: Hmm, we'd really rather have someone with with more skills in quantum mechanics...but that was pretty shopportunistic. You're hired.
David: Just the other day I bought seasons 2 and 3 of Walker: Texas Ranger and because of my bangin' parking spot I avoided the horrendous downpour, which also meant I didn't have to change when I got home so I could watch my DVDs right away.
Mr. Jenkins: Hmm, we'd really rather have someone with with more skills in quantum mechanics...but that was pretty shopportunistic. You're hired.
by tedwilli9 December 20, 2008
Get the Shopportunistic mug.A sexual act in which you poo on your girlfriend's face, and rub it in with you penis until she resembles a Black Face actor. Then you shoot at point blank range a dick rocket into her left eye, making her squint - and then you put a gun to her head and yell, "Say you're Forrest Whitaker! And it better sound exactly like him or so help me God I'll fucking blow your doody stained head right off!!!"
Frank: How did everything go with Angela last night?
Dan: It was going pretty awful until I gave her The Forrest Whitaker.
Frank: Oh man, Score! Was it spot on?
Dave: No, and that's why I had to kill her.
Frank: Well, there's always tomorrow. Cheer up.
Dan: It was going pretty awful until I gave her The Forrest Whitaker.
Frank: Oh man, Score! Was it spot on?
Dave: No, and that's why I had to kill her.
Frank: Well, there's always tomorrow. Cheer up.
by tedwilli9 October 17, 2008
Get the The Forrest Whitaker mug.A women whom you thought was attractive, and frequently made knuckle babies to, until you realized she was indeed a lesbian - and the attraction wears off.
Tevin: Hey bro, so...did you fire off some man torpedos to Gina last night?
Bro: Naw Tevin, turned out she was a real Jodie Foster...my life is ruined.
Tevin: Probably.
Bro: Naw Tevin, turned out she was a real Jodie Foster...my life is ruined.
Tevin: Probably.
by tedwilli9 August 21, 2008
Get the Jodie Foster mug.Phil: Hey Pete, how was McDonald's?
Pete: It was okay, except for pot of doody stew I made afterwards.
Phil: Ew.
Pete: It was okay, except for pot of doody stew I made afterwards.
Phil: Ew.
by tedwilli9 August 24, 2008
Get the Doody Stew mug.