sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions

Weird Al Spankovich

Euphemistic. Same as 'Shake Hands with Tommy Tank' or 'Making Love to Madame Palm and Her Five Lovely Daughters' or even 'I'm Going to do a Barclays'

SON: Don't come in Mum, I'm trying to meet Weird Al Spankovich.

MUM: Are you fucking wanking in that bathroom again?

SON: Maybe. (Ughhhhhgggh.)

MUM: Well hurry the fuck up, I need to shit as well and your Dad's downstairs fucking your sister in the other toilet.

SON: What?

MUM: What?

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

bapjizm

The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.

PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?

SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.

PATRICK: Sphincter.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009

Brittlebitch

A disease (or Poorme condition) that stuck up rich bitches get. They are usually a friend but never fancy you, who is always falling down,getting into fights, crashing her car, breaking bones to get attention because her life is so boring being married to the richest, limpcocked bastard she could find, or having great parents who give her everything.

1) Paris.
2) Nicole.
3) Kathy.
4) Pink sang a song about them stupid, stupid girls.
5) A Brittlebitch is usually any blonde girl who does her homework/job on Wikipedia & drives a Smart Car.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2008

Asstrix

The 1960s French comic that you DIDN'T hear about.

'Asstrix' is the story of a Gaulish pornstar that shagged her way through every Roman Legion that Rome sent her way.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 19, 2009

cockonuts

1:) Not just insane but cock-o-nuts insane.

2:) Dick & balls euphemism.

3:) Jim's granny from American Pie 3.

HERMAPHRODITE #1: Dude, why do you have that Sony Playstation 3 up your ass?
DUDE: Because I like it.
HERMAPHRODITE #1:Dude, you're not just insane, you're cockonuts.
DUDE: Thanks.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish February 17, 2009

trinipple

Simple congregruity of 'tri', meaning third and nipple. The correct adjective for a third nipple. Can be pronounced 'try-nipple' but 'trin-ipple' sounds funnier.

Ozzie: Hey, did you see Lily Allen whip out her trinipple?

Keith: No,

Ozzie: Yeah, it was almost down her stomach

Keith: What, like a dogs?

Ozzie: Yeah.

Keith: Does that mean she's part canine?

Ozzie: Hell yeah.

Keith: I'd wouldn't say no to fucking that.

Ozzie: But she wouldn't say yes to you. Dogs still have class. And you're her Dad

Keith: Oh, yeah, still would though. (They high-five eachother.)

Ozzie: (Under his breath) Prink.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008

Dicktaphone

To put your dick to the telephone speaker when talking to a ladyfriend when she is boring the arse off you about babies or flowers or something else that's all girlyfied.

Dicktaphone is when on the phone to Ann Coulter and she's banging on about politics or crap etc. and you realise you're her husband as your cock falls out of your pants into the reciever.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 12, 2008