sir bartholomew mctavish's definitions

dreast

A breast that's dressed.

ie: A boob still in its Bouncy Rigid Alembic (B.R.A.)

A 'dreast' can be spotted in the first thirty seconds of any adult man-milk producing video production.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish August 20, 2009

cuntstard

1. A person who is a bastard and a cunt. Or a mixture of both.

2. Misspelt custard.

ELSIE: Any of you guys reckon that new guy at works a cuntstard?
MILLIE: Yeah, who is he?
ELSIE: My husband, oh and you're fired bitch.


FRANK: Hey did you try Lisa's cuntstard?
DEREK: That's my wife, you fuck! (Hits him.)

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 19, 2008

boredinary

Simple straightforward definition.Ordinary is boring. Break the mould, go for the burn, stand out from the crowd, ignore the sheep. Don't become uniform, don't be boredinary.

Man#1: You listen to that new audiobook?
Man#2: Audio what? What the shit?
Man#1: It's a book on CD
Man#2: What the fuck is a book?
Man#1: Pages,bound together,left-to-right reading. You can learn things.
Man#2: You are so boring.Books?You gay?
Man#1: No, you are boredinary, you slave to the system. Stand out man, make yourself unique. Burn your pants! Wank off a chicken or something!
Man#2: Go fuck a horse.
Man#1: Already did, it was your Mother.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 16, 2008

bapjizm

The act of baptising a girlfriend, wife, fuck buddy (daughter's?) breast or "baps" region with god's sticky nectar.

PATRICK:I say, did you hear that Tom Baker and Lalla Ward were married in the early 1980s?

SPONGEBOB: No. Bet she got a few bapjizm s off that ex monk ex Time Lord kick ass old dude, who's still on Little Britain.

PATRICK: Sphincter.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish July 25, 2009

twanjo

Is a word that refers to the practise of one person, usually a male, playing with his banjo. In essence to twang his banjo. And if some ladies have banjos, then they can twang them whilst they're on live at the circus. BUt usually the banjo would refer to the knob.

Edmund: Hilary, where is our firstborn Rutland Percival Smythe-Brigstock Jones XIV?

Hilary: Upstairs, playing with one of those god-awful new contraptions from the Americas. A najbo I think it's called. Why do you ask Mr. Smythe-Brigstock, also known as my husband?

Edmund:Is that what that racket is? He'll go blind doing a twanjo on his banjo like Daddy did. That's why I wish to know Mrs.Smythe-Brigstock, also known locally as my wife...and village bicycle.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 4, 2007

00Gay

Bond of the 21st century, according to a completely non-gay Daniel Craig loves willy. No longer is it safe to watch TV without a cast of bum diggers suddenly becoming the centre of attention. Doctor Who has become Doctor 'Up the Poo'. Torchwood is 'were there any straight people in this week?'
Well Double 0 Gay is now suffering. Gaymes Bond or James Bummed is the spy hero of the new century.

00Gay's films may include...

Man With the Golden Knob
The Living Gaylights
Gold Wanger
Dr No(b)
Homos Are Forever
The Cock Is Not Enough
Never Say Gay
Moonie Raper
For Your Balls Only
Liscence to Bum
You Only Fuck Men Twice

'Q' would supply weapon-like dildos and his name would actually be short for 'Queer'. 'M' would still be Judy Dench but 'M' would stand for she was a 'Man'

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish April 3, 2008

nad the impale-her

The real name of a Sex Vampire who bummed a load of Carpathians in Moldavia around the 1st century before Winona Ryder chucks herself in the river for being a klepto. Used to impale people on his four foot dick which he also fought with.

Nad the Impale-Her pornstar name in spoof movie of 'Barb's Stoked U Know's Spankula' from 1993, pisstake of cool Keanu flick.

by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 11, 2008