nigel fleming's definitions

albino turd

A white or cream coloured turd. Often dismissed as an urban legend, I assure you, these gems do exist. Very rare and the source of much amusement to all who see one, they usually make themselves apparant in the work place or at school.

I could have laughed myself silly seeing that albino turd in the school toilets, what a sight!

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

dead egg

A particularlt revolting smell expelled from your anus that has the aroma of a rotten, dying egg.

Oh my God, can you smell that? Some bastard has just dropped a dead egg!

by Nigel Fleming July 6, 2006

wank mop

Basically, whatever is suitable and close to hand to clean up the mess after a spontaneous, off the cuff, wank. Items such as socks, towels and if necessary, cushion covers will fit the bill for this purpose.

I got myself into a right mess last night,I'd ran out of toilet roll so I had to use my sock as a wank mop.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

skundered

The Irish version of bored. Used by hill billy locals in back street, one pony towns to try to sound intelligent.

Heh, Seamus, did you get up to anything intersting last night?
Nah, I was so skundered I ended up reading the Dictionary.

by Nigel Fleming July 13, 2006

tuppeny whore

A lady of the night who will perform any sordid act for the meagre price of a tuppeny bit( Old British coin). These women roamed the streets around the start of the 20th century, waiting for men to cross their filthy palms with the modern day equivalent of the price of a cup of coffee. Very skanky ladies indeed.

I say Humphry, have you any plans this evening?
Why no Henry, shall we partake of a tuppeny whore a piece, then retire to our wives?

by Nigel Fleming July 19, 2006

Musical Shags.

Similar to the kids favourite, musical chairs, only a man will lie on the floor and try to maintain wood. Ladies will then dance over him in a circle wearing no underwear. When the music stops the lady who is on over the man at that time will squat down and shag him for a certain amount of time until the music starts again and the ladies dance once more.

Rupert: Hey, how was your birthday party the other night, did you get up to anything exciting?
Nigel: I had a fantastic night, me and the ladies enjoyed a game of musical shags.I shot my load about ten times!

by Nigel Fleming May 1, 2007

paula radcliffe

Noun: To do a paula radcliffe. The act of not bothering to make much of an effort to win something, unless there is a financial gain to be made. This applies especially when representing your country for nothing when you cannot be arsed compared to winning marathons by a mile where huge sums of cash are involved.

Neil: God I cannot wait to see the rowers at the next Olympic Games.
Nigel: Me too lets just hope they don't do a paula radcliffe on us and save themselves for the Henley Royal Regatta!

by Nigel Fleming August 5, 2006