nicholas d's definitions

flash the deuce

To hold up two fingers with the intent of signifying that you have to drop a deuce, i.e. take a crap.

Johnson: "Now Frank, you have to cut the green wire first. Go ahead and do that now."
Frank: "Ok, cutting the green wire. Here goes nothing...got it! What's next?"
Johnson: "You're doing great, Frankie. How much time do we have left?"
Frank: "One minute, forty-seven seconds til she blows."
Johnson: "Now cut the blue wire. Once you do that, there's only one more step until the bomb is disarmed."
Frank: "I can barely see down here...ok, blue wire, blue wire...I think this is it. Cutting now...ok, we're clear. What now, Johnson?"
Johnson (in the background): "Oh shit! Agnes, get the phone for me."
Frank: "Johnson!!! Are you there?"
Johnson's secretary: "Sorry hon, I just saw him flash the deuce. My guess is he'll be on the crapper for the next 10 minutes or so. Today was the office chili con carne festival. You'd better call back later."
Frank: "But we have to dismantle this bomb!!!"
Johnson's secretary: "Um yeah...I wouldn't know anything about that. I suggest you try calling back around...oh...maybe 3:30 this afternoon. Buh-bye now."

by Nicholas D June 17, 2008

Scumdog Million-hairs

A nickname for former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, who was impeached for attempting to accept bribes to fill Barack Obama's empty U.S. Senate seat. Originated on "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and is a play on the title of the movie "Slumdog Millionaire," which was popular at the same time as the Blagojevich scandal. The "Million-hairs" part of the name refers to the impressive amount of hair on Blagojevich's head.

Senate candidate: "I'd like to express interest in President-elect Obama's vacant senate seat. I feel that my qualifications are right for the job."
Blagojevich: "What? Tell it to my pants pockets! Let's see...I'll give you the seat if you give me $1 million in unmarked benjamins, get a hot dog named after me at The Wiener's Circle in Chicago, and brush my hair for an hour every morning for the next year."
Senate candidate: "Forget it, Scumdog Million-hairs, I do not bow to corruption!"
Blagojevich: "Really? Are you serious? You're a politician. Come on."
Senate candidate: "All right. Take out the hair-brushing part and we've got a deal."

by Nicholas D February 23, 2009

little dance

A conference tournament in NCAA basketball. This term is used especially for mid-major (non-BCS) teams for whom winning the conference tournament is their only shot at getting into the big dance, i.e. the NCAA tournament. This term was coined by ESPN.

Phil: "LeBron James is awesome man. You know, I could have been that good if I had stuck with the game."
Kevin: "No you couldn't have."
Phil: "Dude! I was a big-time NBA prospect before I injured my knee."
Kevin: "No you weren't."
Phil: "Well, no, but I played in college and made it to the NCAA tournament - the big dance!"
Kevin: "No you didn't."
Phil: "No, but my team did play in the little dance and almost won."
Kevin: "No they didn't."
Phil: "No, but I did play in college."
Kevin: "Nope."
Phil: "I mean high school."
Kevin: "Uh-uh."
Phil: "I mean the 8-year-olds league."
Kevin: "No way."
Phil: "Well ok, but I did play in a pick-up game once and scored 10 points."
Kevin: "No you didn't."
Phil: "Well no. How did you know? Is it because I'm white?"
Kevin: "No, it's because you're a one-armed midget. I hate to say it, but basketball just isn't the game for you."
Phil: "Oh yeah, good point. But if I could grow two feet or so - and another arm - then I'd be 5-foot-3 and could be the next Muggsy Bogues."
Kevin: "Nope, sorry. Not a chance."
Phil: "Well I was a world champion in midget tossing...as the projectile."
Kevin: "Now THAT I believe."

by Nicholas D March 13, 2009

sniff your ass

To give you a tryout or try to figure out what it's all about. A more civilized form of what a dog does when it...uh...sniffs your ass.

Bill: "Ooh...looks like Peter messed up on his TPS reports again. We may need to fire him."
Bob: "Peter's a bright kid, I like his style. Let's send him out to the Boston office and let those guys sniff his ass for a couple of weeks. If they don't like what they see, then we'll can the bastard."

Stan: "Peter, why don't you come out to Boston and let us sniff your ass for a little bit? Not trying to scare you, but Bill would like us to evaluate your performance."
Peter: "Man, you guys are such a bunch of brown-nosers."

by Nicholas D November 28, 2007

jukebomb

To completely kill the mood at a bar by playing music on the jukebox that is unbefitting of the establishment, such as country at a trendy urban lounge, hardcore rap at a West Virginia honky tonk, or Celine Dion just about anywhere. Will often result in a mass exodus of people, costing the bar hundreds if not thousands of dollars in revenue, and really piss off the bar owner.

Jerry totally jukebombed The Playaz Club on Saturday night by queuing up 20 consecutive Michael Bolton songs. The place was packed before it started, but by the end of the third Bolton song, it was so quiet that you could almost hear crickets chirping.

by Nicholas D February 27, 2009

fire at the feces

To shoot the shit; to hang around and talk about whatever comes up without any real purpose.

Kyle: "Hey Brian, do you want to go outside and make targets out of cow manure and shoot our rifles at them?"
Brian: "No, I think I'm just gonna hang out here with Mike and Phil and fire at the feces."

by Nicholas D January 19, 2008

jip

A criminal; a derogatory acronym for justice-involved person, the new official San Francisco PC term to replace the apparently derogatory term "convicted felon".

Guy: "Holy shit man! I just got gypped by a JIP in the Tenderloin!"
Pal: "JIPs will gyp you, that's for sure. Don't hang around the Loin, bro. That area is super jippy."

by Nicholas D September 1, 2019