harris bergstein's definitions

rusty tambourine

1. A poorly maintained tambourine. Perhaps because it got dropped in a puddle or left outside or something.

2. Like a rusty trombone, but for people who can't really play an instrument.

1.
"Hey buddy, that's a pretty rusty tambourine."
"Yeah, I guess I dropped it in a puddle or left it outside or something."

2.
"I thought it would be hot if I got a rusty trombone from Janet, but it was sort of like getting an amateur prostate exam and an indian burn at the same time. It's like kids aren't learning anything at band camp nowadays."
"You shouldn't say 'indian burn,' dude. That's not cool."

by Harris Bergstein November 3, 2007

teek

The practice of purchasing an item and then returning a different (usually inferior or obsolete) item in the original packaging for a refund or credit. The term is usually applied to electronic components (video cards and the like), where such substitutions are likely to pass unnoticed. The practice is also generally limited to big-box stores like Best Buy or Wal*Mart, where sales volume, employee apathy, and managerial incompetence combine to create an extremely subterfuge-friendly environment.

The word may originate from a bastardized tense of "take."

For an example of primitive reverse teeking, please consult www.tomsphotos.com/router

"Wow, an 80 Gig iPod! How much did that set you back?"
"Nothing, I teeked out my 30."

"Did you sell your old box?"
"Not yet. I think I'm gonna teek the parts at CompUSA."

by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006

office espresso

That last cup of coffee left in the office pot at 4:30 in the afternoon, you know, the one that's been cooking down all day until it's thick as molasses, burned, and dirty like 10,000-mile-old engine oil. Mmmm-mmmh.

Bob: That smells delightful. What is it, a vente americano from Starbucks?
Nancy: Nope, I just added some hot tap water to three fingers of office espresso.

by Harris Bergstein January 24, 2007

shithap

1. Like a sitrep, but in a civilian / corporate context and, more specifically, describing a situation that has absolutely no silver lining.

WALT: Hey boss, looks like we have a big problem here.

JAMES: Gimme the shithap.

WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.

JAMES: Not good.

WALT: Male prostitute.

JAMES: Really not good.

WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.

JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.

by Harris Bergstein May 12, 2010

sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe

The superlative form of Jesus. (Comparative: "Jesus H. Christ" or "Sweeter Jesus.")

Sam: "Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!"

by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006

General Lee

Is way cooler than Night Rider.

The Hasslehoff isn't cool enough to squeegee the windshield of the General Lee.

by Harris Bergstein December 25, 2006

Lawyer Ball

The art of playing the rules instead of playing a game. For example, trying to work out a walk in slow-pitch softball. Swing the bat, you puss!

Also applicable to weenies who demand free throws after the slightest contact in a pick-up basketball game and d-bags who take yardage penalties in backyard football games.

Pops: Hit it out of the park, boy!
Son: Don't pressure me, I'm trying to work the count.
Pops: Don't play lawyer ball, son.

by Harris Bergstein December 24, 2006