harris bergstein's definitions
"Hey Janet, could we move the sales meeting to the conference room? The pornophile across from my office is watching a three-way on his widescreen."
"It's nine thirty in the morning."
"It's porno, Janet, not gin."
"It's nine thirty in the morning."
"It's porno, Janet, not gin."
by Harris Bergstein December 19, 2006
Get the pornophile mug.by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006
Get the sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe mug.The culinary delight that results from riding the subway with your lunch in your back pocket. Kind of like a modern-day saddle steak.
My wallet felt a little softer than usual when I sat down on the L this morning and then I remembered I'd put a PBJ in my pocket. By the time I got to work, it was the perfect back-pocket panini, flat and warm. Only thing missing was grill marks.
by Harris Bergstein April 30, 2009
Get the back-pocket panini mug.The art of playing the rules instead of playing a game. For example, trying to work out a walk in slow-pitch softball. Swing the bat, you puss!
Also applicable to weenies who demand free throws after the slightest contact in a pick-up basketball game and d-bags who take yardage penalties in backyard football games.
Also applicable to weenies who demand free throws after the slightest contact in a pick-up basketball game and d-bags who take yardage penalties in backyard football games.
Pops: Hit it out of the park, boy!
Son: Don't pressure me, I'm trying to work the count.
Pops: Don't play lawyer ball, son.
Son: Don't pressure me, I'm trying to work the count.
Pops: Don't play lawyer ball, son.
by Harris Bergstein December 24, 2006
Get the Lawyer Ball mug.1. A poorly maintained tambourine. Perhaps because it got dropped in a puddle or left outside or something.
2. Like a rusty trombone, but for people who can't really play an instrument.
2. Like a rusty trombone, but for people who can't really play an instrument.
1.
"Hey buddy, that's a pretty rusty tambourine."
"Yeah, I guess I dropped it in a puddle or left it outside or something."
2.
"I thought it would be hot if I got a rusty trombone from Janet, but it was sort of like getting an amateur prostate exam and an indian burn at the same time. It's like kids aren't learning anything at band camp nowadays."
"You shouldn't say 'indian burn,' dude. That's not cool."
"Hey buddy, that's a pretty rusty tambourine."
"Yeah, I guess I dropped it in a puddle or left it outside or something."
2.
"I thought it would be hot if I got a rusty trombone from Janet, but it was sort of like getting an amateur prostate exam and an indian burn at the same time. It's like kids aren't learning anything at band camp nowadays."
"You shouldn't say 'indian burn,' dude. That's not cool."
by Harris Bergstein November 3, 2007
Get the rusty tambourine mug.1. Like a sitrep, but in a civilian / corporate context and, more specifically, describing a situation that has absolutely no silver lining.
WALT: Hey boss, looks like we have a big problem here.
JAMES: Gimme the shithap.
WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.
JAMES: Not good.
WALT: Male prostitute.
JAMES: Really not good.
WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.
JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.
JAMES: Gimme the shithap.
WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.
JAMES: Not good.
WALT: Male prostitute.
JAMES: Really not good.
WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.
JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.
by Harris Bergstein May 12, 2010
Get the shithap mug.A form of cross-country training originally from Sweden, but adapted to a city environment. Like traditional backcountry fartlek, stoplight fartlek involves changing the tempo of the run, except instead of instinctually changing pace, the speed is governed by traffic and lights.
"I thought I'd take a leisurely jog around the park, but it turned into a stoplight fartlek when I tried to ride a greenwave and dodge a couple buses."
by Harris Bergstein August 8, 2008
Get the stoplight fartlek mug.