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harris bergstein's definitions

Chrismukkah

Apparently celebrated by Jews for Jesus, according to this pamplet I was given on the F train. Not to be confused with Groundhog Luther King Day, which isn't celebrated by anybody. Yet.
Jew for Jesus: Happy Chrismukkah!
Me: No.
by Harris Bergstein December 25, 2006
mugGet the Chrismukkahmug.

sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe

The superlative form of Jesus. (Comparative: "Jesus H. Christ" or "Sweeter Jesus.")
Sam: "Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!"
by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006
mugGet the sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoemug.

teek

The practice of purchasing an item and then returning a different (usually inferior or obsolete) item in the original packaging for a refund or credit. The term is usually applied to electronic components (video cards and the like), where such substitutions are likely to pass unnoticed. The practice is also generally limited to big-box stores like Best Buy or Wal*Mart, where sales volume, employee apathy, and managerial incompetence combine to create an extremely subterfuge-friendly environment.

The word may originate from a bastardized tense of "take."

For an example of primitive reverse teeking, please consult www.tomsphotos.com/router
"Wow, an 80 Gig iPod! How much did that set you back?"
"Nothing, I teeked out my 30."

"Did you sell your old box?"
"Not yet. I think I'm gonna teek the parts at CompUSA."
by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006
mugGet the teekmug.

office espresso

That last cup of coffee left in the office pot at 4:30 in the afternoon, you know, the one that's been cooking down all day until it's thick as molasses, burned, and dirty like 10,000-mile-old engine oil. Mmmm-mmmh.
Bob: That smells delightful. What is it, a vente americano from Starbucks?
Nancy: Nope, I just added some hot tap water to three fingers of office espresso.
by Harris Bergstein January 24, 2007
mugGet the office espressomug.

bourbon dictionary

A user-written compendium of cocktail recipes.
Bert: "I can't find 'Flaming Nazi Buster' in bourbon dictionary."
Jan: "Look under 'Nazi Buster, Flaming.'"
Bert: "Oh."
by Harris Bergstein April 2, 2007
mugGet the bourbon dictionarymug.

shithap

1. Like a sitrep, but in a civilian / corporate context and, more specifically, describing a situation that has absolutely no silver lining.
WALT: Hey boss, looks like we have a big problem here.

JAMES: Gimme the shithap.

WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.

JAMES: Not good.

WALT: Male prostitute.

JAMES: Really not good.

WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.

JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.
by Harris Bergstein May 12, 2010
mugGet the shithapmug.

pornophile

"Hey Janet, could we move the sales meeting to the conference room? The pornophile across from my office is watching a three-way on his widescreen."

"It's nine thirty in the morning."

"It's porno, Janet, not gin."
by Harris Bergstein December 19, 2006
mugGet the pornophilemug.

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