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harris bergstein's definitions

shithap

1. Like a sitrep, but in a civilian / corporate context and, more specifically, describing a situation that has absolutely no silver lining.
WALT: Hey boss, looks like we have a big problem here.

JAMES: Gimme the shithap.

WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.

JAMES: Not good.

WALT: Male prostitute.

JAMES: Really not good.

WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.

JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.
by Harris Bergstein May 12, 2010
mugGet the shithapmug.

bluetooth

Remember that one part where Billy Dee Williams calls up his buddy with the robotic bluetooth headphones and he goes and IMs Darth Vader, who's all like "L0LZ, 1 4/\/\ j00r f4t-3r!!! PWN3|)!" That was awesome.
by Harris Bergstein December 28, 2006
mugGet the bluetoothmug.

stoplight fartlek

A form of cross-country training originally from Sweden, but adapted to a city environment. Like traditional backcountry fartlek, stoplight fartlek involves changing the tempo of the run, except instead of instinctually changing pace, the speed is governed by traffic and lights.
"I thought I'd take a leisurely jog around the park, but it turned into a stoplight fartlek when I tried to ride a greenwave and dodge a couple buses."
by Harris Bergstein August 8, 2008
mugGet the stoplight fartlekmug.

sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe

The superlative form of Jesus. (Comparative: "Jesus H. Christ" or "Sweeter Jesus.")
Sam: "Sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoe!"
by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006
mugGet the sweet Jesus in a smoking birchbark canoemug.

rusty tambourine

1. A poorly maintained tambourine. Perhaps because it got dropped in a puddle or left outside or something.

2. Like a rusty trombone, but for people who can't really play an instrument.
1.
"Hey buddy, that's a pretty rusty tambourine."
"Yeah, I guess I dropped it in a puddle or left it outside or something."

2.
"I thought it would be hot if I got a rusty trombone from Janet, but it was sort of like getting an amateur prostate exam and an indian burn at the same time. It's like kids aren't learning anything at band camp nowadays."
"You shouldn't say 'indian burn,' dude. That's not cool."
by Harris Bergstein November 3, 2007
mugGet the rusty tambourinemug.

Lawyer Ball

The art of playing the rules instead of playing a game. For example, trying to work out a walk in slow-pitch softball. Swing the bat, you puss!

Also applicable to weenies who demand free throws after the slightest contact in a pick-up basketball game and d-bags who take yardage penalties in backyard football games.
Pops: Hit it out of the park, boy!
Son: Don't pressure me, I'm trying to work the count.
Pops: Don't play lawyer ball, son.
by Harris Bergstein December 24, 2006
mugGet the Lawyer Ballmug.

pornophile

"Hey Janet, could we move the sales meeting to the conference room? The pornophile across from my office is watching a three-way on his widescreen."

"It's nine thirty in the morning."

"It's porno, Janet, not gin."
by Harris Bergstein December 19, 2006
mugGet the pornophilemug.

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