harris bergstein's definitions

Lawyer Ball

The art of playing the rules instead of playing a game. For example, trying to work out a walk in slow-pitch softball. Swing the bat, you puss!

Also applicable to weenies who demand free throws after the slightest contact in a pick-up basketball game and d-bags who take yardage penalties in backyard football games.

Pops: Hit it out of the park, boy!
Son: Don't pressure me, I'm trying to work the count.
Pops: Don't play lawyer ball, son.

by Harris Bergstein December 24, 2006

shithap

1. Like a sitrep, but in a civilian / corporate context and, more specifically, describing a situation that has absolutely no silver lining.

WALT: Hey boss, looks like we have a big problem here.

JAMES: Gimme the shithap.

WALT: Well, it looks like the production line is down because of civil unrest in Thailand and when I tried to get in touch with the COO, he was freaking out about a dead prostitute in his hotel room.

JAMES: Not good.

WALT: Male prostitute.

JAMES: Really not good.

WALT: Potentially a Jonas brother.

JAMES: Top grade shithap, Walt. Get my chopper fueled for Phuket and keep up the good work.

by Harris Bergstein May 12, 2010

herring choker

An individual of Scandinavian descent. Also applicable to landlocked enclaves of Scandinavian emigrants, such as the entire state of Minnesota, even though these communities no longer choke their herring in the traditional fashion but instead rely on commercial canneries to pre-choke and pickle their fish.

Torvald: Hey, this bar got any Tuborg?
Barkeep: Sorry, we don't serve herring chokers here.

by Harris Bergstein December 27, 2006

go Lohando

The artful display of the bared nipples or cooter, typically while entering or exiting a limousine, possibly while accompanied by other tween queens or noted amateur pornographers, in the hopes that such displays of surgery-mangled teats or Cletus-ravage pissflaps will attract the fickle lens of an itinerant paparazzo, with the ultimate goal of garnering column inches in Entertainment Weekly. Historically, actresses and singers of dubious talent have had the dignity and self-respect to limit such displays to the centerfolds of men's magazines--where the graces of airbrushing and a little vaseline on the lens masks all manner of caesarean scars, razorburns, and waxrashes. If this trend continues, it is only a matter of a short span of time and a large pile of blow before the phrase "to go Lohando," in addition to the traditonal nip and quim slips, will also come to include deliberate public displays of one's horribly distended anal pucker and the televised insertion of specula into every unplumbed orifice. But hey, it still beats watching <I>Freaky Friday.</I>

Carlo: I think I might go Lohando, but I'm worried that these Daisy Dukes might interfere with my dangle.

Gustav: Is that really appropriate for a job interview?

by Harris Bergstein December 24, 2006

bourbon dictionary

A user-written compendium of cocktail recipes.

Bert: "I can't find 'Flaming Nazi Buster' in bourbon dictionary."
Jan: "Look under 'Nazi Buster, Flaming.'"
Bert: "Oh."

by Harris Bergstein April 2, 2007

bluetooth

A device invented by George Lucas in The Empire Strikes Back.

Remember that one part where Billy Dee Williams calls up his buddy with the robotic bluetooth headphones and he goes and IMs Darth Vader, who's all like "L0LZ, 1 4/\/\ j00r f4t-3r!!! PWN3|)!" That was awesome.

by Harris Bergstein December 28, 2006

pornophile

An afficionado of adult entertainment.

"Hey Janet, could we move the sales meeting to the conference room? The pornophile across from my office is watching a three-way on his widescreen."

"It's nine thirty in the morning."

"It's porno, Janet, not gin."

by Harris Bergstein December 19, 2006