frank klaune's definitions

sack of shit

Beneath contempt. Worthless. The term is usually used to describe a contemptably dishonest person.

You told me you were going to take care of that but you obviously didn't, you lying sack of shit!

by Frank Klaune January 21, 2005

liquid thunder

Low viscosity excrement. The term "liquid thunder" is mainly used when describing loud, nasty shitting done by small babies.

Damn, Frank handed me the baby but just as soon as he did that I noticed there was liquid thunder running down the kid's leg.

by Frank Klaune January 21, 2005

Shithouse Poet

Widely-acclaimed anonymous author of infamous wit and wisdom written on the stalls and walls of many bathrooms. The "Shithouse Poet" is believed to actually be a number of different individuals acting in nearly every state of the United States. Much to the chagrin of janitors, the Shithouse Poet leaves his nuggets (pardon the pun) of wit and wisdom in the form of well-crafted prose and poetry through various means in batrhooms throughout the U.S.A.

Some examples:

"They scrub these walls to stop my pen,
but the Shithouse Poet strikes again.
The erased words are all my life.
I'll next engrave them with my knife."

And...

"Here I sat all broken hearted.
Tried to shat, but only farted.
So today I took a chance.
Now I say I shit my pants.
Tomorrow I decide my fate.
I'll borrow a quart of Kaopectate."

by Frank Klaune January 22, 2005

butt breath

Common insult with obvious implications. The insult is meant not only to indicate someone who who is stupid and / or offensive, but also one who would do an act which would render their breath like someone else's butt.

Hey, butt breath! Move your car.

by Frank Klaune January 23, 2005

beer factor

A simple attempt to measure and quantify the amount of alcohol needed in order for you (or your friend) to willingly copulate with any given female. A fun game to play in a pub, the standard of measurement is one draw (draft) of an average strength American beer. While a reasonably attractive female may rate a 5-6 beer factor, a more homely specimen may require a 12 or 15 beer factor. On the other hand, a very attractive female may not warrant the need for any beer at all, resulting in the prized "ZBF" or "Zero Beer Factor".

Frank was scoping over some fat broad playing pool in the back room. She looked like a dyke to me. She was so fugly that she was probably a 24 beer factor.

by Frank Klaune January 23, 2005

jackin' the beanstalk

One of many euphemisms for "masturbation" (e.g. slappin' the salami, jack off, beat off, buffing the bishop, glean the obscene bean, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, waxing the wonker, greasing the guppy, shooting putty at the moon, and Rosie Palmer and her Five Sisters doing the Four Knuckle Shuffle.

Frank will be a little bit late. He's still back at his house jackin' the beanstalk.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

K-Mart Liturgy

You get up on a Sunday morning, take a shower, dress, then head out of the house. Your family is very sure that you are a good boy, heading out to go to church. Instead of attending church services, however, you go to K-Mart and spend just the appropriate amount of time there browsing merchandise so upon your return, your ruse is very convincing.

Frank's parents think he is such a good boy but we know the truth. He did a K-Mart Liturgy and bought condoms.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005