frank klaune's definitions

glued

Yet another term designating a high level of inebriation (drunkenness).

"Damn, after drinking that fifth with Grotee, Frank was really glued!"

by Frank Klaune March 15, 2004

Blatz splatz

This phrase, related in part to the "blat" (see "blat"), describes the logical aftermath of drinking too much Blatz beer. If one drinks far too much Blatz, the next morning's activities are dominated by the "Blatz splatz" in which bodily fluids are emitted from various orifices in a semi-involuntary spasm. This term is obviously only used in those areas of the country where "Blatz" beer is found. For additional information see "hershey squirts" and "the shits".

Man, Frank brought a few cases of Blatz to the stag party. Damn, the next day let me tell you, I had the Blatz splatz big time!

by Frank Klaune November 21, 2004

barney

A small-town, provincial putz of a policeman. The name represents "Barney Fife", the bumbling, inept deputy sherfiff from the "Andy Griffith Show." The typical small-town Barney is a doughnut-chomping fat bastard whose only purpose is to write as many speeding tickets and seat belt "safety" violations to out-of-town licence plated cars as humanly possible. This daily pattern continues until the barney has padded his resume sufficiently to move on to a real job far from the provincial putzville which was his first job for a couple of years. The outrageous pattern of excessive ticket-writing also works in the favor of the inbred, corrupt, fuck-headed town officials who reap an obscene profit from the fine largesse. This, in turn, self justifies the continuance of the salary for the Barney. This pattern is particularly effective in towns which are so ridiculously quiet and small that an actual "law enforcement officer" has no substantive reason to be on the public payroll. The next time you are pulled over in some backward Hooterville for driving 4 MPH over the posted limit, remember where your fine money is going.

Damn, Frank was only going 27 in the 25 zone but the Barney pulled him over anyway!

by Frank Klaune April 25, 2005

silly putty

A euphemism for merconium. Immediately after a baby is born, the first few shits he makes is full of merconium which is nearly like messy, nasty, sticky, gooey tar. Thus, "silly putty".

When Frank opened the diaper, silly putty leaked out on his shirt. Yuck!

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

palm balm

Euphemism for any substance (usually hand lotion, soap, KY jelly, etc.) used as lubricant to facilitate male masturbation activity.

Man, Franq was so drunk the other night. He got home and didn't know what he was doing so he used Easy Off for palm balm. Now he has a rash on his dick. That Franq is an idiot.

by Frank Klaune November 11, 2004

über moron

One of many possible fun uses of the über prefix. An über moron represents the pinnacle of pea-brain, the apex of asshole and the depth of dipshit. An über moron embodies the highest (or is that the lowest) level of stupid, home-grown, industrial strentgh, heavy duty idiocy.

Damn, we just convinced Frank that he grew up on a mayonnaise farm. Now he's looking it up online. Man, he's such an über moron!

by Frank Klaune March 21, 2005

Polish fly swatter

The spash screen placed in the bottom of a urinal to stop spattering pissors from getting ocean spray on their trousers. The Polish fly swatter often is embedded with a urinal cake or scented sustance to enable you to spend many hours of enchanting sniffing in such a delightful environment.

Damn, what the hell? Some sick bastard stuck a Polish fly swatter in my gym bag last night!

by Frank Klaune February 20, 2005