jackin' the beanstalk

One of many euphemisms for "masturbation" (e.g. slappin' the salami, jack off, beat off, buffing the bishop, glean the obscene bean, choking the chicken, spanking the monkey, waxing the wonker, greasing the guppy, shooting putty at the moon, and Rosie Palmer and her Five Sisters doing the Four Knuckle Shuffle.

Frank will be a little bit late. He's still back at his house jackin' the beanstalk.

by Frank Klaune January 24, 2005

spreading joy

The phrase refers to the process of letting a massive amount of fart gas out in a carefully metered way- usually by farting silently while walking. In this manner, a disasterously huge amount of fart may be discretely dispensed over a larger geographical area. When faced with the prospect of needing to fart in a socially awkward situation, a person often resorts to initially letting a test fart. If the test fart indicates a vile, deadly amount of gas, the person may opt to walk (for example) from the punch bowl across the dance floor, and over to the bar- all the while silently farting the whole way. People at the punch bowl will begin vomiting, the dance floor will clear and the bar area patrons may begin to pass out. Meanwhile, the farter may actually be dozens of feet away, thus escaping blame. In such a way, the farter is said to be "spreading joy."

Damn, Frank is such an idiot. He farted over by the band and kept walking. He's spreading joy all over the wedding reception. How disgusting!

by Frank Klaune September 01, 2005

barney

A small-town, provincial putz of a policeman. The name represents "Barney Fife", the bumbling, inept deputy sherfiff from the "Andy Griffith Show." The typical small-town Barney is a doughnut-chomping fat bastard whose only purpose is to write as many speeding tickets and seat belt "safety" violations to out-of-town licence plated cars as humanly possible. This daily pattern continues until the barney has padded his resume sufficiently to move on to a real job far from the provincial putzville which was his first job for a couple of years. The outrageous pattern of excessive ticket-writing also works in the favor of the inbred, corrupt, fuck-headed town officials who reap an obscene profit from the fine largesse. This, in turn, self justifies the continuance of the salary for the Barney. This pattern is particularly effective in towns which are so ridiculously quiet and small that an actual "law enforcement officer" has no substantive reason to be on the public payroll. The next time you are pulled over in some backward Hooterville for driving 4 MPH over the posted limit, remember where your fine money is going.

Damn, Frank was only going 27 in the 25 zone but the Barney pulled him over anyway!

by Frank Klaune April 25, 2005

Blatz splatz

This phrase, related in part to the "blat" (see "blat"), describes the logical aftermath of drinking too much Blatz beer. If one drinks far too much Blatz, the next morning's activities are dominated by the "Blatz splatz" in which bodily fluids are emitted from various orifices in a semi-involuntary spasm. This term is obviously only used in those areas of the country where "Blatz" beer is found. For additional information see "hershey squirts" and "the shits".

Man, Frank brought a few cases of Blatz to the stag party. Damn, the next day let me tell you, I had the Blatz splatz big time!

by Frank Klaune November 21, 2004

donger

How do you explain it? When playing golf, each of the guys tees off, plays the fairway and finishes with a final putt. The scorekeeper then tallies everyone's score for that hole. The person with the highest (worst) score for that hole must play the entire next hole with their penis protruding from their pants. Thus, the loser of that hole is "the donger".

Man, Frank sucks at golf. He was the donger so much last week he sunburned his dick!

by Frank Klaune May 28, 2004

blue streak

Igniting one's own fart. It really does work. The typical "blue streak" is done with the farter sitting on the floor, legs in the air, and holding a bic lighter to the anus while farting violently. It is highly recommended that some sort of clothing be worn when this is done- not only to keep y ou from scorching your anus but also to keep you from shitting all over your friend's lighter.

Damn, Frank did a blue streak the other day. The fire ball was about a foot long!

by Frank Klaune January 27, 2005

chucklefuck

1) A bumbling, stupid, inept person.
2) A confusing mess; a conundrum; any chaotic situation
3) A person of low intelligence who gets himself into a comical quandary.

"Frank just took off for the store and forgot his wallet again. What a chucklefuck!"

"When the storm hit in the middle of the parade, the whole festival became one big chucklefuck."

"That chucklefuck Frank got drunk and drank from that shampoo bottle."

by Frank Klaune November 06, 2003