cirdellin's definitions

Le guillotine de la porte

The fear that one may lose a body part due to any kind of door that is perceived to be closing too quickly. The phrase is said to have originated from 18th century survivors of the French Revolution who passed their remaining days in a kind of post traumatic stress disorder and obsessing about sharp quickly closing things.

"Johnny get your hand back into this elevator, the door is about to close!"

"Mom, it is just an elevator door."

"Yeah that's what you said about the bus door this morning."

"Mom I think you have le guillotine de la porte and the stories you hear are just urban legends."

"Just get your hand out of the door."

by Cirdellin December 31, 2009

Octaphilia

The perverse desire to emulate fashion, hair and music from the 1980's despite severe social criticisms for doing so.

"Patty what are you doing? The big shoulder pads, the big sometimes blue or green hair? What's up with your boyfriend too with the eyeliner? Don't you see that people are laughing at you?"

"Well my boyfriend still likes Boy George and Wham and I still like Pat Benatar and Dynasty and I think that blue hair is my best color. Get with it Suzie."

"Get with it?!!!! I hated that stuff even then! Your octaphilia is out of control!"

by Cirdellin January 4, 2010

Ping pong ball season

Late fall, winter and early spring in the upper Midwest. The name derives from the off-white sky, horizon and ground that makes delineating the three virtually impossible. One feels that they are trapped inside of a table tennis ball.

"I can't stand this weather. Everything is coated with the same awful color."

"That's what you get this time of year in Cleveland. What did you expect? It's ping pong ball season."

by Cirdellin January 4, 2010

Unemployment ecstasy despair

The conflicting emotions one faces when one discovers that they have been terminated. First is a feeling of euphoria then dread, then mixed emotions that cycle frequently.

"John, you're fired you jackass!"

(John smiles a crooked smile)

"What's wrong with you John?"

"Unemployment ecstasy despair, boss"

by Cirdellin January 5, 2010

Master lesbianator

The older woman in some pornographic movies who orchestrates lesbian sex between two or more much younger women. Generally one or more of these younger women insist that they are straight. It is the master lesbianator's job to at first scold, then cajole, then direct the younger women in their lovemaking techniques. These women learn very quickly under her more mature tutelage. It is customary for the master lesbianator to sensitively praise the often formerly straight women after completion.

"Hey what's this old broad doing in this lesbian scene?"

"She's the master lesbianator. The other girls wouldn't know what to do without her."

"You're kidding me right?"

"I wish. The director is trying to be artsy."

by Cirdellin January 6, 2010

Garbage Video Toilet

The unrecognized commode that is effectively the fifth member of the 90's rock band "Garbage". The receptacle makes uncredited and inexplicable appearances in a disproportionate number of the band's videos.

"I can't believe it. This is the fifth Garbage video I've seen today and there's that pesky toilet again. WHY?"

"That's the Garbage Video Toilet. I hear the band just likes the little guy."

"They might as well give it a guitar."

by Cirdellin January 7, 2010

NPR Rush Whiplash

The sense of absolute confusion that one feels when flipping the radio dial from National Public Radio directly to the Rush Limbaugh or any other right wing radio show. This has been known to cause liberals to feverishly vote for Barbra Streisand for every elected office on their ballots. In their delirium and panic in this condition, conservatives tend to vote for Sarah Palin's youngest child Trig. The ailment is easily treated by a steady diet of smooth jazz.

"I don't know what to do. I want to be fair about immigration but I am really concerned about illegal Lithuanians getting access to our health care system."

"You've been listening to NPR and Rush again, haven't you?"

"Yeah I think I have NPR Rush Whiplash."

by Cirdellin January 7, 2010